My Sanity
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
My sanity is being pushed to its wits end at the moment.
Why is he doing this to me!?
And why is HE doing this to me too? Doesn't he realise?
Don't they both realise?!?!?!?
5:35 pm
"Give Up"
Friday, 18 July 2008
Had a really strange dream last night. Although I usually do, so this isn't really anything new.
But he wrote/typed the words "give up". Whether he was refering to himself giving up, or saying that I should give up, I don't know.
I must investigate!
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!
2:27 pm
On a more serious note...
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Depression is getting to me again.
It's been hovering over me since Sundee now. And it's suffocating me. Pulling me under like fog. It's quite a lot like fog. I can't see a way out of it. I can't even see my feet. All I see is a light in the far distance, pointing me in a direction. But what direction will that be? Do I just need to trust that my feet are taking me to a safe place, or somewhere far worse? The fog is swirling around me still. Clouding my mind so I can't even think straight.
Wow. Did I just write that? I feel like a poet. Or even worse -- a ROMANTIC!
I blame this classical songwhich is on right now.
It's amazing what comes up when you're ipod's on shuffle
4:05 pm
I should be writing a debate...
How do you feel towards the person who texted you last?
Woolgar is an awesome friend who I literally couldn't live without
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Jesse. He is good help.
Do you think you are an argumentative person?
yeah. I'm a born debater!
Can you read other people's expressions?
Not really. I'm terrible at it. However, I can sometimes when I know the person well enough. Some people are really easy to read.
Have you ever kissed someone named Jesse?
HAHA!!!! That is the funniest question EVER! Nope. Never want to either.
How did you feel when you woke up this morning?
Surprisingly good.
Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
At the Maroon 5 concert.
Are you a forgiving person?
Yes, quite. I forgive too quickly sometimes. And I also trust people too much.
Do you miss anybody?
Yes. And it's chewing a hole inside of me.
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
There are 2 that do.
When is the last time you saw a movie in the theater?
Saturdee night!
How has this week been?
Terrible so far.
Are you afraid to grow up?
Not really, just afraid to get olddd.
12:31 pm
World Domination
Sunday, 13 July 2008
MISSION: Total World Domination
STATUS: Failed
Yeah.... about that.
My perfect, fool-proof plan to surprise Ryan had failed. Bummer. I'd hate to talk about our secret mission in such a way, but we all learn from our mistakes, right? So here goes...
The night started with Jesse's mum driving us to Whitfords for out 7.20 screening of Hancock. The car ride was funny. Jesse was being Jesse. Then we got there. I couldn't stop twitching. It was like he knew I was there. Had I given away our plot too much? Did he know what I was doing? All these questions running through my mind. We got McDonalds for dinner and sat waiting for the others to show (thanks to my brilliant planning, I had allowed about 30mins before the movie started for arrival!) And so we waiting. Eventually my nervousness grew too much and I sent him a message -- to ensure my plan would work. "Are you on break? I'm bored". I wasn't lying exactly. I was asking if he was on break. And I was slightly bored too as we waited. No reply. Except ever time Jess sent me a message saing sheas running late, I would panic in case it was him. But it wasn't.
Eventually Jess showed up. We waiting around talking a bit before deciding to take a bold move to purchase our tickets (Lloyd still hadn't showed by this stage). So we snuck up the escalators to get our tickets -- Jesse and I doing our best James Bond impersonations!
THEN! We spotted Ryan across the room! *
GASP* He looked our way! My plan was ruined! Once we had our tickets in our hands, we literally
FLEW down the stairs to ait for Lloyd.
THEN! All of a sudden...
RYAN COMES DOWN THE STAIRS!!!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At that exact moment, my plan was ruined for real. Man that was a
heart-wrenching moment. Why, oh WHY, couldn't he have waited another 5 mins to take his break!?!?!? *sigh* (turns out he actually hadn't seen up before, it was just Jesse and I being paranoid) Then Lloyd shows up and we are forced to get our tickets ripped by some
OTHER guy! Pfft... not nearly as cool!
Two hours later, the movie finished. Wasn't even that fantastic. Like it was alright, but meh! I dunno. Maybe my mind was just distracted...
We saw him on the way out too.
Disapointment is washing over me. I was really looking forward to surprising him.
Oh well... there is always next time!
11:48 am
A Day of Change
Friday, 11 July 2008
A lot changed in my life today.
I sat down and solved all of my problems.
Sounds good in theory and on paper, but I'm yet to find out if it really will work.
So now 10 of my problems are solved. Believe it or not, all 10 issues revolve around the same thing. (Today was just a test run after all). I've been wanting this kind of "me-time" where I can sit down and just think, and think hard, for about 3 weeks now and finally I gave myself that space and time.
I don't feel as if my soul has been lifted, but this isn't just some quick fix. It's going to take time to amend my ways, and maybe this time I'm going to be a little more willing to let this type of cange occur -- hopefully for the better.
8:22 pm
Supre
Thursday, 10 July 2008
I'm waging war against this chain of stores. Particularly the Perth City one. And there is no stopping me. I'm a debater/public speaker with an opinion who is disgruntled so here goes...
Today whilst in the city I decided to do a spot of shopping. As I walked up and down the malls looking for an outfit for Saturday night (Our massive plan for world domination), I saw Supre. Now, I haven’t shopped at Supre much because I believe it to be overpriced rags, sold to 13- and 14-year-old girls who want to look like they are older and sluttier. With this in mind, the average shopper is still from the demographics between 10 to 25 years old. The clothes they sell are apparently “straight off the catwalk” in colours that, quite frankly, would look better in a rave club that on a girl (we’re looking at highlighter yellows and greens), however occasionally they will sell things that I like. What drew me to the store today was a recent commercial I had seen which was advertising ¾ length sleeved shirts at a reasonable price. On arrival to the store I found the rack with these shirts and after looking through 4 of the racks, I came up empty handed. There was a wide range of colours, most of which were actually decent looking, but what were lacking were the sizes. The only sizes available were anything from size S to size XXXXS. Now, I knew that I was a medium before looking, and actually in some stores I may fit into a small. I have a flat stomach as a result of my operation and lack of eating since then, and I have equally small boobs, however I am still of average build because of my bones which are genetic from both sides of the family. Anyway, I eventually found a medium and took a small with me into the change rooms just incase. I tried the medium on and quickly discovered that it was just a little too small for me. Do you know how belittling that is? To found out that a medium size was too small for you? It doesn’t make you feel good at all. I know, I know. You’re most probably thinking that I’m just being a self-conscience teenaged girl. But I’m not. I’m very comfortable with most of my body, but when a medium size doesn’t fit me, then please excuse me if I feel a little put down.
So my whole point is that chain stores such as Supre need to re-think what they sell and who they sell it to. I know I’m not the only girl in Perth who is the same body size as me and who would be just as frustrated to walk in and find the same thing. Things need to change around here.
6:25 pm
Another Quizzz
Series #1- YOU
Birth time: Some time in the morning
Last place you traveled: I went to the city today, but if you mean abroad, then Italy
Eye Color: blue or green (depending on the day)
Nail Color: well I did just paint them with some stuff to stop me biting my nails.
Height: somewhere between average and short
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio
Series #2 - DESCRIBE
Your heritage: Australian on both sides, but going back you will find a bit of English, French and Scottish
Shoes you wore today: black flats (they go with anything!)
Your hair: bottle brown
Your weakness: musiccc. and friends.
Your fears: magpies
Your perfect pizza: I'm not a big pizza fan
One thing you'd like to achieve: world domination
Series #3 - WHAT IS...
Your most overused phrase on messenger: "indeed"
Your thoughts first waking up: "what subjects do I have today?" or "That dream was random"
Your current worry: I worry too much. I have many worries at the moment. One big one in particular... *shivers* horrible thoughts
Your plans tomorrow: Homework. Year 11 sucks
Your best physical feature: My smile? You tell me
Your greatest accomplishment: I'm pretty sure spending 2 months alone in Italy is pretty great. Or getting to the STATE SMI-FINALS for a public speaking comp is pretty awsome too
Series #4 - YOU PREFER
Sunrise or sunset: Both
Gore or horror: Gore
Eastside or westside: What's the difference?
Stripes or polka dots: polka dots
Money or fame: money
Planes or trains: planes
Metal or hardcore: both suck
Boxers or briefs: Ha. I dont know...
Your life is: perfect
Pools or hot tubs: spas (aka Hot Tubs)
Series #5 - D0 YOU
Cuss: I try not to
Do you think you've been in love: Not yet
Want to get married: some day
Like to take baths: Yes. But I prefer showers
Get motion sickness: Nope. I like to stand up as the boat tips from side to side
Like talking on the phone: Depends who it is to
Like thunderstorms: Yes. It's my fav type of weather
Play an instrument: Clarinet, Tenor Sax and Piano
Workout: Never
Like reading: Always
Series #6- FAVORITES
Kind of fruit: Mango
Music to fall asleep to: anything. Michael Buble or rock music works too
Time of the day: Mid- morning
Feature in the opposite sex: Their ability to laugh at me, with me and most importantly make me laugh
Car: PUNCH-BUGGY
Number: 2
Thing to do right before bed: Read and write in my diary if I can be bothered
Thing to say when you're mad: I dont mad that often so I wouldn't know
Era: the 80s
Horror movie: I really really really really don't do Horror films
Colors: Lime green or blue
Series #7 - FUTURE
Age you hope to be married: Somewhere between 25-30
Numbers & Names of Children: A couple. Names shall include: Alice, Ruby, Miles and Carter
How do you want to die: Young (but of course after I've had the job, children and big house)
Where you want to go to college: UWA's Law school.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Lawyer
What country would you most like to visit: Well I WILL be living in England or Scotland some day
5:58 pm
Epithany
Monday, 7 July 2008
At 3am this morning, it hit me.
My life isn't what it should.
If I want the better future that I do, then there are habits that I need to change to get there.
It will be hard, very hard, but I'm willing to give it a try.
Here are a list of my steps to a better future:
1. Get a new job
2. Save money (which means not spending!)
3. Stop using my mums money
4. Exercise more
5. Eat less junk and more healthy food
6. Study heaps more (if I want to get into Law that is!!)
7. Smile every day
8. Be a kinder person, yet also learn to be assertive
9. Save power
10. Catch the bus more instead of getting the parents to drive me everywhere
11. Save water
12. Save gas
13. Read more
14. Go to the library more
15. Do more piano practise
16. But also seize the moment and live life like there is no tomorrow
10:58 am
The X
Sunday, 6 July 2008
I got rejected for his X
...
X-Box that is.
Just as bad, really.
1:52 pm
*Awkward*
Friday, 4 July 2008
It just got awkward. Talking about dating usually will always lead onto you admitting you "had feelings" for them or the other way around. Silly girl. And he even said "he already knew". What a loser. Of course he didn't. I didn't even know I did. Shitte. Lucky I have 2 weeks school holidays ahead of me so this can all wash overrr.
Maybe Becs right. I need help. No wait, thats not the advise she gave me. She told me to get a boyfriend. Pfft. Easier said than done!!!
Anyone care to help me?
5:11 pm
