The Melodramatic Diary of a Kat

Il mio cuore...

2009-04-09T20:48:00.002+08:00

I'd first like to start with a quote from my Italian textbook

"tu 6 il mio cuore.... e senza te nn posso vivere; vorrei essere aria x essere sicura ke senza d me nn vivi!"

How sweet.

Hm. Ok. This is the part where I actually got to write somethng meaningful, right?

Urgh.

Or if you're in English Lit: "Ugg"

Yeh that's right.

Anyway, deep and meaningful...

It's not fair. Gah! Attention back on to me, please! Right now. Yeh, I'm talking to you, boy. This isn't cool. Not at all. I'm not just... Ah don't even worry about it. *throwing tantrum*

*Still throwing tantrum*

*Still still throwing tantrum*

This Story Bites

2009-04-04T15:58:00.001+08:00

A must read for anyone that suspects that Vampires ARE real:

http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2009/03/boston_latin_of.html

Romeo vs. Mr Darcy Part 2

2009-03-21T08:55:00.006+09:00

Let's settle this once and for all: who is better, Romeo or Mr Darcy? The battle to end all battles.

Rules:
Each team starts with 10 points, and points are added and deducted based on whatever I feel like.

Let the games begin!

Romeo swings from being madly in love with Rosaline to Juliet in a matter of second. No girl wants that in a guy. -2 points.

But Mr Darcy starts off rather snobbish, thats not exactly a turn on. -3 points.

Romeo knows how to party... or at least disguise himself to infiltrate enemy lines. +1 point.

Mr Darcy can banter with Elizabeth, and somehow still fall in love with her. +1 point.

Romeo pledges to marry Juliet after only knowing her a few hours... talk about jumping the gun. -2 points.

And Mr Darcy proposes to Elizabeth after not seeing her for a couple of months... proof that he still loves her, despite the distance. + 3 points.

... Mr Darcy can dance too. +1 point.

But Romeo has a way with his words... +2 points.

...But he's also pretty dumb... - 3 points.

Mr Darcy is one step ahead there, he's very intelligent. +2 points.

Romeo, unfortunantly, kills part of Juliet's family. Now, that's not cool at all. -4 points.

Mr Darcy writes a letter to Lizzie, explaining everything that had been muddled. How sweet. +1 point.

Romeo gets banished. Meh... some like a bad boy. no points lost or gained.

Mr Darcy isn't afraid to admit his mistakes and wants to change himself to win Lizzie back. +3 points.

But Romeo can't stand to live without Juliet, and kills himself. +1 point.

..... But he's an idiot because Juliet was never dead. -3 points.

Mr Darcy ends the story alive, changed and in love with Lizzie. +3 points.

In terms of the films, Romeo gets played by Leonardo DiCaprio. +2 points.

But who can go past Colin Firth? He was MADE to play Mr Darcy. +4 points.

And the final scores are:
Romeo: 2
Mr Darcy: 25

Finally we have a winner to the age-old question: Mr Darcy kicks Romeo's butt.

Romeo vs. Mr Darcy

2009-03-13T14:39:00.002+09:00

Lets face it, this HAS to be the most wondered question on ever girls mind.

In a romance boxing match between Romeo and Mr Darcy, who would win our hearts?

In the red corner, we have Romeo Montague. Obviously one of the most well know, if not The most, lover in all of literature history. That's a pretty big title to claim, no surprises that it was Shakespeare that conveived this story, is it? So anyway, back to the plot. Actually, not back to the plot, everyone knows that story back to front, no need for me to explain it any further. Silly Romeo, kills himself when he believes that his lover, Juliet has died. Romeo is a great reader of love poetry, how romantic... However, Romeo has no capacity to act in moderation. He's always sneaking into his enemy's garden in the middle of the night, just to catch a glimpse of the girl. He kills his wife's cousin... that's not so cool. He's kinda intelligent, maybe not, but he's witty and likes to talk about sex a lot. He falls head over heels for Juliet pretty quickly, so that's got to kinda be a bonus. And he's does romantic things, which nearly every girl on this planet loves. But it kinda sucks that he's dead.

In the blue corner, we have Mr Darcy. Darcy exhibits all the good and bad qualities of the ideal English aristocrat — snobbish and arrogant, he is also completely honest and sure of himself. He's willing to change himself and re-evaluate his characteristics for the one Dear Lizzie that he loves. That's pretty good. He's handsome... so so so so so so handsome! I'm pretty sure that's the main point to it all. He's awesomely intelligent, witty and doesn't talk about sex.

So now it's over to you. Who would you vote for?

What was that thought again?

2009-03-12T15:39:00.002+09:00

I'm pretty sure this morning I had something in my mind to write about here. However, it seems to have escaped me.

No matter.

I've been thinking about the past quite a bit and how that has altered my present.

No actually, that's a lie. I haven't been thinking about that at all. I have no idea why I wrote that. Maybe because it sounded smart.

I'm sick. Leave me alone.

Anyway, gosh life can be a mess sometimes. Don't you wish everything would pan out perfectly.

If there was one thing I could change, it would be the timing of some relationships that I've recently started and ended. Why can't some of them have had their prime in say, 8 months time? If only...

Why can't some of my relationships re-blossom? I miss those good times. Which actually means I miss the bad times. Hang on, that's no good. I miss the feelings I got from the bad times. That was some quality bonding. But it's all gone. That's life I suppose.

At least we've heard from Thomas, a old old old primary school friend. I'm pretty sure I was practically in love with him in, like, year 2. Haha. By George he's changed a lot! Long hair now! The same length as mine! So much time has passed since I last saw that boy. I look forward to seeing him again soon.

Gah! I want to fast forward my life so much! What I would give to just be 8 months into the future, have my P's, freedom, a car would be nice too, my TEE out of the way, and several months of summer stretching out in front of me. That will be perfect.

Except no. I'm in March, just over halfway through term 1. Still on my L's. But I have my Practial booked for May =) hope I pass!! Doubt it. I have the rest of the year to go. Including the dreaded exams... all 3 of them. 3 x 5 = 15... crapppp.... that's like 15 exams this year!!! No wait sorry, 17 exams... stupid Italian oral =( that pretty much smells.

Anyway, my rambling is over for now. I'll let you return to other things.

Feelings

2009-03-05T17:06:00.002+09:00

So, things had pretty odd right now.

School is hitting up a notch.

Anzac Student Tour '09 is fast approaching.

Halfway through the first term back at school.

Booked my Practical Driving Assesment today... for May the 21st. So long away!

I would literally KILL for my P's right about now. Being dependent sucks majorly.

And my feelings are fried, or scrambled.... like eggs.

Some say it's just lust. Some say "oh, NO! Kat! How can you!?". Others say that they'll support me through any decision I make.

But that's just the point... what decision SHOULD I make? Should I go out on an impuse, or wait for my feelings to be confirmed, or, just stick it out and get over it?

My ideal scenario involved me having my P's + car, being finished year 12 and exams. Where I would, maybe will, use that situation to rekindle anything. For this right combo would/could make things pretty dynamic and awesome.

Leavers '09. Part #3 -- The Ball

2009-02-21T20:40:00.002+09:00

Wow. Ball was last night.

In one word, it was: Fantabulous

The venue was awesome. I loved the balloon arcs. I loved the candles. I loved the dance floor.

But most of all. I loved everyone. Everyone looked so fantastic. All the girls looked so beautiful. All the guys were so charming. It was a fantastic night.

We danced, we ate, we talked, we took photos, we complained about our feet, we laughed, we socialised, we all gossiped about the fight, we all agreed that everyone looked tip-top.

There's nothing much else to say. We'll forever remember the night for the rest of our lives.

It was the night that use scraggly bunch frm BCC looked all proper and wonderful.

Leavers '09. Part #2

2009-02-14T12:37:00.002+09:00

Yeah, yeah. Two weeks back at school and you haven't heard a word from me about how possible the most important year of my schooling life has gone. Geeze. I'm here now, so stop your complaining!

So... two weeks back into the school year already. Homework load is at the max. Luckily, I only have to finish/kinda actually start my Lit table on.. what was it again?? Something about the elements of a narrative?? Maybe. AND write an essay on some crap or something that I really have no idea about. GO ME! :D That will be fun! (sarcasm) Anyway, I dropped music class after my first hour there. It sucks this year so I was like "heck no!" and instead I have 4 free sessions a week to do as I please... or do homework, either way. It's so cool! On Thursdays I don't have to come to school until 3rd session, then I leave after 4th anyway! Except... for the past two weeks and for next week also, we have been forced against our will to attend DANCE LESSIONS FOR BALL! DANCE!! WHOHOO! (sarcasm once again). However, I must admit, it actually is a lot of fun, except for the MASSIVE heat in the gym.

Talking about Ball... BALL IS ON FRIDAY! It's going to be awesome. Hopefully. Not much else I can add to that.

But most exciting yet, WE GOT OUR LEAVERS SHIRTS YESTERDAY!!! That's real exciting. We all keep trippin out by seeing people wearing the shirts and not actually realise that... they're actually us. We're the leavers. Wow.

That's about it for now.

Keep you posted!

Oopss..

2009-01-28T10:08:00.001+09:00

One of my New Years Resolutions was to not enter into any "bad" relationships.

Looks like my year is off to a great start then!

(^^that was sarcasm by the way^^)

Golden Rule

2009-01-21T14:58:00.001+09:00

Has everyone forgotten the golden rule of "mates before dates"!?

Remember "chick before dicks" or visa-versa, depending on your gender?

People! It's like the Bro-Code. You can't break it, or face serious relationship consequences!!

Heed my warning!

A tweeny problem.

2009-01-18T20:12:00.006+09:00

A couple of days ago, I was faced with the single most crippling issue facing society today. Forget rebels in Africa, rouge Pirates, cease-fire or no cease-fire in Gaza, corupt governments, obesity and Britney Spears. We have a new issue facing the world...

Tweens who think they're bigger than they are.

OMG! It's an outrage! How have we as a society let it get this far!?

Now, I sense that some of you are a little confused. I mean, what exactly is a "tween"? Please forgive me, but I am about to attempt what every WADL (Western Australian Debating League) Adjudicator fears most... I'm going to quote the dictionary... *clears voice* According to www.dictionary.com , a Tween (see also Tweenager) is a pre-teenager, generally aged 10 - 12; also youth aged 10 - 14.

So now you get what they are, so next time you see one, you'll be able to pick them out of a crowd. But WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL!? What makes them the single biggest threat to society? Well, back to the moment I was faced with such a threat...

I was on the bus on my way back from Morley after a day of shopping with my dearest brother. So to analyse the situation better, you must understand that neither Morley nor my final destination (home) are exactly the richest suburbs in Perth.... this will be an important point later. And there I was, sitting on the bus, and I realise that in front of me there are 2 tweens, at best guess, around twelve years of age, unaccompanied by a parent/guardian on a bus trip for over an hour at least. Then, I see them examining what they had purchased on their shopping trip. Mascara and lipstick. Ok, so what's the issue? Aren't our youth allowed to buy what they want these days? Well, this was no cheap makeup that you would expect a child to buy, no, we were looking at expensive, designer makeup, that not even my mother would wear. Now, this was beginning to capture my attention. Upon further examination, I found that this odd purchase was not a whim for these children, they already fully knew how to wear makeup, and how did I know? Well their faces were caked with makeup. More than someone my age would wear. And what made the whole situation worse? One of the girls had a Guess handbag. Whether it was fake or not, I could not tell.

Now you really are scratching your heads and asking "SO!?!? What's you're point!?!?". The point is, these Tweens, wait no, let's call them children, so these children are dressing up, wearing makeup, catching buses with a Guess bag in tote. So long ago are the days where our children used to dress up in their mothers' dresses and high heel. And so long ago are the days were our children were innocent, and hadn't been corrupted by corporate inspired materialism.

We now enter an age were our youth no longer are as innocent as they once were. Consider yourselves warned of the impending threat of Tweens.

Growing Up

2009-01-11T19:47:00.002+09:00

Growing up and growing older is a fact of life. And a particularly important concept when you, like my friends and I, reach the point in our lives where we are between children and adults. But as a matter of fact, there is no point. You don't suddenly wake up oneday and realise that you're suddenly an adult, it takes a lot of time and a lot of change.

Legally, 18 is the age that we become adults, but in reality, it happens at all different ages. Some mature earlier, others may take longer. And for some, you may never grow old.

Some my age want to grow up too soon. They are too keen on becoming adults. You should get what I mean.

But on the other hand, you get people who don't want to grow up. Some who'd prefer to stay stuck at this age forever.

I, for one, am I teenager of both. Sure, I'd like to grow up. Legally be able to go out partying (sensibly, of course!). Be able to enter into a mature relationship. Start earning real money. Etc. But at the same time, I wish I could stay frozen at this age. It means school. And my friends. It means not really having to deal with life. It means having things good and stable. It means not having to deal with the consequenses of my actions. It means I can sleep easy with a roof above my head and food on the table 3 times a day plus snacks whenever I feel like it.

Lonelyness

2009-01-10T14:22:00.002+09:00

Lonelyness is not only a physical state, but also a psychological and mental state too.

It can range from not recieving a text message back to actually never being able to find someone.

Looking at all the happy couples doesn't help either. Not at all.

P.S. I'm not talking about myself, nor directly anyone I know. I'm just making a blantantly obvious statement. Just for the hell of it.

The Great Romance

2009-01-07T15:53:00.002+09:00

Thank Elyon!

I know that statement will mean absolutely nothing to you unless you have read The Circle Trilogy (Red, Black and White) by Ted Dekker. But it really has no relavence to what I'm about to write. I just thought I'd throw it in to mix things up.

I was recently reminded of what Mr Herbert said to his year 10 Science class in 2007 about why we humans reproduce. After an hour of listening to his theories, we concluded that essentially, humans reproduce because of our desire to continue life and make little carbon copies of ourselves. Makes sense. Many would say something different all together, but this is science and quite frankly, I'm more likely to believe facts and data over what we don't actually know exists, ie. God. (Note to readers: Elyon is actually God, just different, because he was actually Justin, then died and came back alive and what not. I know this sounds a lot like Christian beliefs, but trust me, it's slightly different. However readers should note that Ted Dekker is a Christian Science Fiction writer). Anyway, that's not what I'm writing about today. To follow on from Herbert's thesis about why humans reproduce, I would like to offer my own conclusion as to why humans enter into relationships today.

I believe it comes back down to our desire to be wanted and feel accepted. I mean, did cavemen and -woman really date? Did they have such things as dating web-rocks where single cavepeople find and make cavebabies to continue and evolve to the modern day man and woman. Did they hold massive wedding to vow their love for each other, which they already knew about? Did they take long walks down past the dinosaur bones and hold hands? How about blind dates down at the bedrock cafe? I really highly doubt it. Which tends to suggest that there was a reason why our cavepeople reproduced and created the modern day "love". We know for life and wildlife that the herd is only as fast as their slowest member. So what if the same applied to cavepeople groupings, if a woman or man couldn't continue on to the next generation, maybe they were shunned from the tribe? So this has just continued into 2009 where we humans associate happiness with love and saddness with lonelyness. Think about it, we stereotype single middle-aged people as being sad and lonely just because they haven't settled down with a family by that stage. Think about how many books revolve around a 35 year-old man/female in dsperate searc for love because they are still yet to fullfill a typical life dream of falling in love and starting a family. And research shows the same too. Depression is higher in single people. The life expectancy is lower. And these people generally have lower quality of life.

Realistically, we'd all like to think that some day we'll fall in love with our own Prince/Princess Charming, but that's not likely to happen. People spend their whole lives looking for "the one" and never find them, then end up miserable. But that's life. There will always be dissapointments and the like.

Moral of the story: Love is good and hard to come by, so if you find it, hold on to it and never let go.

Leavers '09. Part #1

2009-01-05T19:14:00.002+09:00

It has all begun... and without it even meaning to. There is no signpost on the side of the road that says "Leavers '09: 1 month ahead". No. It's nothing like that. You just suddenly realise that this is it. This is the end of a era, the climax of a generation and the begining of life.

I start to see the signs everywhere now. I see people writing "Leavers '09" on their myspace's and msn's. I put my school text books in my bookshelf, ready for the new year. And I work out which coloured notebook I will want to use for each subject (they're all different colours btw).

But what makes it all even bigger is the quickly approaching Ball. The big she-bang. According to me, it's the second day that a woman will get her opportunity to just feel absolutely beautiful. Behind her wedding day, of course.

And although school hasn't started yet, officially marking the beginning of the new and last year, we all already feel it. We were given the warnings at the end of last year when we were just year 11's. Now look at us. Year 12s. A big jump in just a matter of just over a month.

I sure as hell know that I'm no way near ready for year 12. But I have to be. I will cry a lot this year. I will laugh a lot. I will spend many hours with my dear friends. I will also spend many more hours pouring over text books, studying. I will have some of the best memories in my life. This year will be full of ups, and downs, but hopefully by the end of it, it will have all paid off and we can kick back and say "what a year". I don't have any clue as to how this year will turn out.

But there is one thing I know. I know I will need my camera, tissues, and most importantly, waterproof makeup.

When your head isn't in the right state...

2009-01-03T17:12:00.002+09:00

You start having strange thoughts.

Just like being high.

Except I'm not. Just had a little too many pain killers (not on purpose). I'm not an addict... I just don't like being in pain.

Anyway... these weird thoughts.

Having great, sensitive male friends is good. Yet horrible at the same time.

It makes you have a twisted sense of reality. It fools you into a false sense of security as you begin to think that all guys are as nice to you. Not true. Maybe my dude friends have been around girls long enough to know how to treat them well. I don't know.

But a note to all guys out there: I don't care if you actually don't give a flying rat about mundane things in us girls' lives such as what we did today or what we ate for lunch, but you know, girls like it when you show interest and ask her questions. Even if you don't really care about, just pretend you do. We'll love you for that.

2008

2008-12-31T15:06:00.000+09:00

2008 has taught me a lot. I have learnt that making the same mistakes over and over again will not yield different results. I have learnt that there is no right and wrong or good and bad in the world: just decisions made and how people respond to them as a result of their values. This year has taught me how much of a romantic I am. It has taught me to accept life, the way it is, for it's not always going to be fantastic and I sure know that it doesn't usually work out the way you plan. I have learnt that things happen, people make mistakes, sometimes they don't recover from them, but life goes on. I have learnt that the Italian Postal service is screwed. I have learnt that it is very difficult to change your actions and behaviours, but that's just the way we are. I have learnt that you can have good days and bad days, all in the same day. I have been taught that my friends are usually always right; it is I that doesn't see the clear and full picture. But I have also learnt that no friendship if perfect and no friendship group is perfect: in summary... life isn't perfect. I learnt that there is no way of knowing what the best move in a particular situation is, but we adapt to the decisions (whether good or bad) we make. I have learnt that my life hasn't actually begun yet, my golden years are still to come! I have been taught not to give the most power to someone who can hurt you, than to those who love you... I just need to learn to put this into action. I have grown a lot this year (emotionally not physically) and I'm not too sure if I like the way that certain aspects of my life have turned out, but I'm sure glad that some things are the way they are and that my friends and family are always there and will always be there for me.

Dwindling Days

2008-12-20T18:37:00.002+09:00

I've been spending my days watching romantic comedies such as Love Actually and Bridget Jones' Diary (which incidently both star Colin Firth and Hugh Grant) which constantly reminds me of my newly discovered personal fact that my life has yet to actually begin and that I actually am such a romantic. But on the topic of my life yet to begin, I expect it to actually begin either the day I finish year 12 or the minute I turn 18. Either way, I'll be happy.

Christmas is fast approaching too. Oh joy! (That's sarcasm by the way). Maybe it's something to do with me missing Christmas last year, that has made me realise that it didn't miss too much. So I'm dreading the 25th. It's all become too comercialised. It's horrible. And I'm over it.

But in some good news, I got my report the other day. 3 A's (Italian, Music and Maths), 2 B's (History and English) and a C (Chemistry, of course). Not bad at all. However, I'm aiming for more A's next year. It's going to be my New Year's resolution.

But besides that, everything is good. Life is good.

I'll toast to that!

2008-12-12T20:56:00.002+09:00

My group is finally discovering the wonders of drinking and alcohol.

It's quite annoying actually, because I along with Jess and Jesse (the "sensible" ones), are forced to look after them. Take drinks of them when they've had too much. Hide their remaining bottles. Be the shoulder to cry on when Bec starts crying. Keep track of how many drinks each person has had. And work out how far "far" is between members of the opposite sex.

It's a full on job, you know.

And it couldn't have come at a worse time... We're starting year 12 in a couple of months. Which is bad, because this new habit that my friends are developing will continue into the new year and new school year, and will really screw those drinkers around. And I know a couple of my friends will take advantage of their dropping from TEE to non-TEE as a chance to get pissed not just every Friday night, but ever Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday nights too.

Next year's going to be a fun one!!

Fate

2008-12-10T16:49:00.002+09:00

The more I think about it, the more I realise that it's fate that has been playing a major role in my week thus far. Fate is telling me not to go there. Not to do what I wanted to do. And she's demonstrated that thrice already this week. Fate doesn't want me to go there. Fate doesn't want me to make a mistake.

So in saying and knowing this, am I a fool to try and trick fate a fourth time? Even when I know that it is wrong and... well... just wrong?

It's Official..

2008-12-08T16:06:00.002+09:00

My first day of complete and utter boredom and wallowing in complete self pity. It's a sad life for me.

I WAS going to have a good day. No, sorry, a FANTASTIC day. But nooooo..... my great day got cancelled. It's just all too complicated now. I'm over it. Why can't it be easier? Why can't I have a simple, uncomplicated relationship with a boy? Is that actually physically possible for me anymore!? So yes, I'm a little shirty that my great day got cancelled. Bah.. Kat's not happy! I'm thinking of cutting the cord... yet maybe I can fix the problem. Maybe I can change him. Maybe not. Is it worth a go? Not happy, Jan. AND what's worse, my back's hurting again. And I have had no inspirational thoughts about my next big plan either. Hm.. I'll have to keep working on that one.

2008: A Year In Review Music

2008-12-04T10:35:00.015+09:00

So... It's been a long year for me. Many ups and downs. Many highlights and lowlight and just lights. But the one constant in my life has been my music. Over the past year, but ipod grew by a massive 793 songs! That's quite a lot considering that to date, I only have 1391 songs on it. Which means that my ipod expanded by 57% since the 1st of January, 2008. Wow. Now, considering my year has been full of these ups and downs, it seems suitable that my songs should reflect certain moods, crazes, emotions etc. Here is an explanitory list of the songs which made my year the one it was.

My musical year started in a little town in Sardinia. With no other forms of amusement, my music became a god-like form. Music such as Maroon 5's album It Won't be Soon Before Long which I'll come back to later and, of course, Michael Buble with his song Lost which was a reminder of home. Whilst over there, I also became a fan of some Italian songs which have faithfully helped me with "Italian Study" ever since:
Niente Paura -- Luciano Ligabue
Non Siamo Soli -- Eros Ramazzotti & Ricki Martin
Dare to Live -- Laura Pausini & Andrea Bocelli
Dalle Pelle Al Cuore -- Antonello Venditti
Grande -- Paolo Meneguzzi
La Casa del Sole -- Pooh
Ti Voglio Bene -- Tiziano Ferro
Se Vuoi Andare Vai -- Vanilla Sky
L'immenso -- Negramaro
Sono Come Tu Mi Vuoi -- Irene Grandi
Io Canto -- Laura Pausini
L'amore -- Sonohra
Scusa Ma Ti Chiamo Amore -- Sugarfree
Suicidio d'amore -- Gianna Nannini

A benefit of being in Italy is that I got to hear all these awesome European songs which hadn't found there way over to Australia yet. For example:

Picture Of You -- The Last Goodnight (Which I heard before everyone else!!)
Goodbye, Philadelphia -- Peter Cincotti
Falling Down -- Duran Duran
Karaoke Plays -- Maximo Park

Whilst I counted down the days until my return to Australia, one of the things I was most looking forward to on arrival home was my new The History Boys Soundtrack. Songs like Blue Monday by New Order, This Charming Man -- The Smiths and Mustapha Dance -- The Clash still make me smile every time I listen to them.

My first phase of the year began on the 22nd of February when I enter a stage of massive appreciation for English Indie Bands. Memorable songs include:
Worst Case Scenario -- The Hoosiers
Charlotte -- Air Traffic
Australia -- The Shins
Wondering -- Dirty Pretty Things
Love it When You Call -- The Feeling
Local Boy -- The Rifles

The begining of March made me a fan of the Whitlams. Of course I had listened to their music before (they are a fantastic Aussie band after all!) such as Blow Up The Pokies but it wasn't until their concert, me falling in love with Tim Freedman and getting his signature that I actually became a fan. Memorable songs from their concert for me included You Sound Like Louis Burdett, No Aphrodisiac, You Gotta Love This City, Made Me Hard, Thank you (For loving me at my worst) and Royal in the Afternoon.

I then entered another phase, but i can't think of a word to umbrella this movement in my life. But my new songs included:
Hours In Between -- LANSDOWNE
Back Again -- Boy Kill Boy
The Pieces That Mattered -- The Panic Division

My next concert for the year was Maroon 5. Now, that was an experience! Their back-up artists were just as good too. I fell in love with the song The Story by Brandi Carlisle and OneRepublic (whom I had heard their songs a little before and only at that moment realised that that was actually them!!). So the songs Stop and Stare and Apologize were also added to my ipod.

With the induction of Lloyd into our group at school, my English based songs grew with the Stereophonics' Dakota and Maybe Tomorrow and Enter Shikari's Adieu. With some more influence from my friends, Stacey showed me the movie "Once" and since then I have loved the songs Falling Slowly, The Hill and When You're Mind's Made Up which are powerfully emotional songs.

School (more specifically Music class) also influenced my songs. I downloaded The Right Time by The Corrs for our term one performance (It took quite a bit of convincing to get me to like this song form those deaded car trips from Kalgoorlie to Perth with their casset on REPEAT when I was younger-- the thoughts still haunt me to this day) and every possible version of Eleanor Rigby (originally by the Beatles). Also on the note of school, Maths became a fantastic preparation for Australian Idol for Sam and I as we *tryed* to sing songs in maths such as Naughty Girl by Mr G (we changed the lyrics to "A to G" in memory of the exercise we were working on), Spiderman Theme Song sung by Michael Buble, See You Again -- Miley Cyrus, Black and Gold - Sam Sparro and No Air -- Jordin Sparks. Note: some actions were included too.

Behold my next phase of music for 2008: pop. Yes, I know it's sad: but true. Songs I *hearted* included:
Are You With Me -- The Potbellez
Black and Gold - Sam Sparro
Disturbia -- Rihanna
Forever -- Chris Brown
I'm Yours -- Jason Mraz
Just Dance -- Lady GaGa
Shake It -- Metro Station

My next concert was Panic! At The Disco. Wow. Where to begin. This concert was AWESOME! I love these guys... thanks to Sam! Some of my favourite songs from their new album "Pretty. Odd." Good album. Very, VERY different from their first album, but still quite good. Some of my favourite songs include: We're So Starving, Nine in the Afternoon, Mad as Rabbits and That Green Gentleman (Things have changed for me). The back-up artists were also very good too. Cobra Starship was good and some popular songs they played included Guilty Pleasures and Smile For the Paparazzi.

A difficult period on my year changed the arrangement of the songs I listened to. When alone, each of the following songs are good. But when put together in a playlist, you can find a dynamic insight into how I really felt about things etc.
Better That We Break -- Maroon 5
Dakota -- Stereophonics
Falling Slowly -- Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
The Hill -- Marketa Irglova
Into the Fire -- Thirteen Senses
Iris -- The Goo Goo Dolls
Lost -- Michael Buble
Not Falling Apart -- Maroon 5
Why Does It Always Rain on Me -- Travis

Between all of my year, songs have come and songs have gone. Some lasting longer in my life than others. Such as Coldplay's Violet Hill and Viva la Vida which Sam keeps asking me when I'm going to "get over them". And songs remind me of good times. Such as:
I Kissed a Girl -- Katy Perry (the song officially dedicated to Stacey and I)
Blow Up The Pokies -- The Whitlams (for inspiring a great and possibly my best impromptu Rostrum speech in my history)
The Phantom of the Opera -- Andrew Lloyd Webber (for a good time picking apart the musical with Sarah)
Gold Digger -- Kanye West (an unprovoked arguement from me to Woolgar -- I'm sorry, man lol)
Midnight Escape -- Larry Neek (GREAT concert band song! Sarah and I can play the whole thing *minus* our instruments!!)
You Give Love a Bad Name -- Bon Jovi (BARNEY'S GET PSYCHED MIX! You've gotta love 'How I Met Your Mother')
Spiderman Theme -- Michael Buble (Actions for "spider" and "man"are quite tireing after a while!!)

Many more songs have contributed to my year, but it would take me a whole extra year just to write about them all. So I hope this has been a comprehensive insight into my year.

Laterz! xx

Assuming

2008-11-26T20:16:00.002+09:00

Assuming makes an ass out of you and me.

So true.

And I thought that no one ever read this blog anymore. Serves me right for assuming so.

And now I feel like the biggest idiot. I feel so bad. I stuffed up bad, I know that. Science do I know that! (Using names now) Ryan might never forgive me. And I will accept that. For once, I will accept that. But I doubt that he will actually read this and realise how sorry I am, I think I might have scared him off my blog.

Man do I feel like the biggest bitch. It hurts so much now. Not because of my last post and how I felt then, but because I've seriously screwed up a good friendship just because I let my feelings get in the way.

I hope you forgive me, Ryan, if you read this. I really am sorry. I really do mean it.

I need to let go. Move on. I can't keep using that as an excuse. But truly, it did screw me around. That's why I'm jealous. Ryan needs to see that, too. And yes, yes, I see it form your point of view. So please see it from mine.

Mum was right. She always is, isnt she?

Venting

2008-11-26T11:09:00.002+09:00

I need to vent. Badly.

Let me just start by mentally screaming.

auegtklgtwehrfijwhrcouhc4h biugiuwgfjkbqwekjfgqrhfwbruiethjrbk4tbsbnmsfbkjfejkfnvqejbvlqwbfkj.wsbdvkjhsdbfkhjwebvfkjbafkhwba sdfh bvrkfkjqwebgfkjws v,nm.sbf,.wnembfksd vkjsdbgkjerbgs vkjasbgkjwbvmsdab vljwegu34ytkhjwrbv,jmsdbvjkwrvghjw b,nmadbfkjwebf,jewbfljwehfjewbfkjsevbfkjq2gfkjsdbvlkwqhkjgfkjsnvljbewkhfbrjkgbkkkkbkfrh

Ok... that's a bit better.

How can he do that? How can he suddenly have the guts to do that when he never had the guts to even say a simple two letter word ('no') to me? You know, I would love to say a lot more. But the internet is never a safe place. Although even those simple words might be enough. But no, it's him. He wouldn't give a damn. He obvously doesn't about me. And its not even that they're going out, because duh... we all move on. That's life. I accept that. And it's not even her, but I like her. She's a nice girl. And it's not jelously that they are a couple, because I wouldnt want that with him either. It's just that he never had the balls to say no to me. He just dragged me along. Then a year down the track, told me that it was all fake. And he expects me to forgive me? Heck no! He was the trigger for my depression. And only a select few know how deep I got into it. But he couldn't have even said 'no'? Man, he's gutless. The gutless wonder.

What I wouldn't do to just throw a drink in his face at this moment.

Maybe that might calm me.

Down to the book

2008-11-03T17:30:00.002+09:00

The Three Day Rule. A classic. When done correctly, it can really work a charm. It does exactly what it's supposed to do. Or in my case, did exactly what he wanted it to do. Lucky too, otherwise this might not be working. It's a bit cliche' actually, and extremely predictable. But still cute and good to know whats ahead. With my amazing fortune telling skills, I predict that he plays everything by the book. Classic. You see, these moves will actually work on me. I'm a romantic, you know. So playing this by the book will be exactly what I like. So this should be fun! I look forward to see what happens in the future.

The Predicament

2008-11-02T08:43:00.002+09:00

Who to choose?

Do you go for the one that has been there forever. The one you know. The one that knows you. Just like your favourite teddy bear as a kid.

Or do you go for the new one. The one you just met. The one who you seem to have an instant connection with. Just like that new ipod.

The teddy bear company is shy and not quite willing to take on competition. But Apple is a massive company that could literally engulf any competition it wanted -- the "ladies man".

The-Essay-Which-Doesn't-Really-Exist-Essay

2008-11-01T14:43:00.003+09:00

The-Essay-Which-Doesn't-Really-Exist-Essay-Because-Mrs-Wallace-Was-Maybe-Trying-To-Be-Sarcastic-Essay

By Kathryn

Dramatic Texts may only sometimes comment on a context entirely different to the one presented in the narrative (but this doesn't happen often enough to be worth your time.) This statement is particualry (I know I spelt it wrong) true when analysis Arthur Miller's "The Crucible", which offers an insight into, maybe, the prevailing fear of communism through McCarthyism in the 1950's America, but I wasn't there so I wouldn't know. Although, the story is of how the small community of Salem is stirred into madness by superstition, paranoia and malice, culminating in a violent climax, is a savage attack on the evils of mindless persecutions and the terrifying power of false accusations (yes, that does sound familiar, I did just copy it off the back of the book). This play is really commenting on some stuff that happened in America (enough said) where some dude finally took the courage to stand up to those darn communists and jailed some in the process, some died too maybe, whether that was as a result of a disease called communism-itis or being mobbed in a dark alleyway by government officials or even starved to death because their house was egged by some snotty teenagers then they couldn't get out of their house to get food then died of starvation. So yeah! Everything got, like, heaps worse, like, than it already is in that stuffed country of The United States of America (all with capitals because they think they are soooooooooo great!!!) WHICH draws a chilling parallel between the Salem witchhunts of 1692 - 'one of the strangest and most awful chapters in human history' - and the McCarthyism which gripped America in the 1950s. This essay will discuss something to do with allegorical meanings in at least one drama text I have studied. However, that's as much as you'll get out of me at the moment because I actually have NO IDEA what I'm supposed to be writing about!!! However, it has some reference to a book by Dr. Seuss called the Sneegles, or something like that, with stars upon thy bellies which is really about either racism or something to do with some economic situation thing, which mothers don't tell their children, but maybe they should so maybe our world wouldn't be so stuffed up. And it also has some reference to a book about mice multiplying then the mouse government starting war then running them over with a car.

ANYWAY... I've run out of time!

Daily Ramblings

2008-10-28T16:56:00.003+09:00

In Jazz Band this morning, I realised how awesome the songs we play are. Well most of them at least. I love all our old school song that we never even look at anymore. Like Birdland, Gimmie Some Lovin, It Don't mean a Thing, Blues Machine, Grapevine, At the Hop etc... but we're also playing some really cool songs at the moment too. Like Tastes Like Chicken and AM ATTITUDE!!! Straighten Up and Fly Right is ok, I love the awesome part Shamara and I have, but I hate the other vocal which's name escapes me at the moment. And I wish we could play September well because that's a really nice arrangement. I just wish Andrew would stop bitching about those high notes and the really fast trumpet part because that part is really awesome.

I really suck at Clarinet now. I ought to practise. I do have a test next week after all... and.... I HAVE TO PLAY SCALES!!! Grrr..... I hate scales. They really suck. Like majorly suck. At least I get to play a song on sax =)

I felt annoying again today. Which is a bad and maybe good sign. Bad because you should never feel this way about yourself. Good because I haven't felt like this since the start of the year which may mean I'm getting better. And the way the guys were talking about her just pissed me off too. It just makes you want to take a hit at your self esteem. I know I did. And I'm sure every other girl in my group would too. And it also means that they don't say that about me then either. So much for "you never talk about a friend like that" because they sure crossed the line then. Maybe that's what's got me down this arvo. Silly Boys. So I can't wait for Thursday then! Well... as a matter of fact, there are MANY things "non vedo l'ora" for! I actually have a list too... which is sad! But that's Kathryn for you...

But I can tell that I'm maybe, slightly getting better when I start randomly laughing over something so small and insignificant that it's not actually funny at all. Like the thought of dad picking me up Friday night wearing his air cadet uniform that looks exactly like a police officers uniform. Haha. That's going to be HILARIOUS! I can just picture some on Woolgar's friends shitting themselves when a "police officer" walks into his house and there they will be drinking alcohol. Or when I was just on the phone to Woolgar and that was his "emotional phone voice". That was so emotional that it's, like, so, like, overpowing, like, that I might, like, die of exhaustion, like like.

Maybe I AM crazy ;)

They don't get it.

2008-10-21T15:37:00.003+08:00

They haven't quite grasped how deep in I am.

They don't know how it feels.

It's not just a day or so feeling "under the weather". No. It's more than that. And they don't understand that. What I wouldn't give for it to just be a day or so feeling like this!

I refuse to let my day get down to a 3, I don't want to have to call in my web of contacts for help. But why do they push my buttons so?

Don't they realise that my thoughts and actions are altered by this. I can't think or act straight anymore. They all need to realise this: At the moment what I say, do, think and feel are altered by this, things aren't ok anymore. My mind is doing strange things to me. And now I no longer know the difference between reality and what my mind is tricking me into believing.

And that's a scary thought.

Can I breath easy now?

2008-10-13T09:59:00.003+08:00

If I finally found out that it was just all in my head. I had nothing to worry about at all!

So... should I now be worried that something as small as that was able to have such an effect on my whole life?

100!!!

2008-10-11T19:12:00.002+08:00

Well... this is my 100th post in this blog. I'm quite proud actually.

But if you move past all of that pride, you'll find other emotions too.

Like realisation.

The realisation that an invite to a birthday party isn't going to salvage our friendship. That he's going off to work next year and I'm staying at school then I'll being going to Uni and our lives will just drift apart.

And there' nothing I can do to stop that. I've tryed so hard for too long now with no success.

Our lives were never meant to fit together. We're just too different, yet so similar.

I really wish it didn't have to be this way.

But it is.

Now I see what's happening...

2008-10-10T08:00:00.001+08:00

I'm slowly being pushed out.

I think it's called something along the lines of "moving on". I don't like it one bit.

Today was going to be a good day too. I was pumped for my Lit essay and scrapbooking tonight with stac up at the shop. Now it's like "urrgghh".

I knew it was going to happen. I knew it over a week ago. Then I let myself fall once again over the past few days.

I don't know if that makes me the fool or him?

It's on shuffle again

2008-10-08T18:07:00.004+08:00

Every so often I'll do these strange things where I'll happen to have my ipod on shuffle then get inspiration to write in my blog about the songs I'm listening to and it's relation to my life. I haven't done one of these in, like, ages, but since it's either this or constantly loose games of solitaire, I'll pick this.

I start with Always on My Mind by Michael Buble. God he sounded so good live. That was and will always be the best concert of my life. This song makes me wonder things. For example, am I always on his mind like he on mine? Ah end of song! Numero due... The Break Up Song -- The Greg Kihn Band. What a strange name. Catchy tune. Nice guitar. I'm literally tapping my foot. Good rock song. This song hold no real connection to me. I just remember the day I purchased the cd with this on it. All I remember from that day is getting this cd. Nothing special. Wow I've only listened to this sing 4 times. I bet those 4 times were in Italy for some reason. Once again, no connection, I just think they must of been. 14 seconds to go of this song... 2...1... Next song! On My Mind by Powderfinger. I think they're Australian... I'll just check. Well what do you know... they are. From Brissie too. And Bernard Fanning is on vocals. Wow. Never knew that. Just goes to show that you learn something new every day. And another song about something/someone on someone's mind... It's got me thinking! The probability of what I'm thinking about is like a zillion to one. Ti Voglio Bene. I love you. Or the actual translation of "You I want good." Ha ha. Languages are funny. You know what else is funny, no matter how many times I listen to this song (a whole 11 times!!!), I still have NO idea what he's saying. I suppose I should, I just dont focus on the words Maybe I should start. *listens to the lyrics* Actually don't worry about. It's all the same crap that in every love song. Nice music though. A good mix between a ballad with piano and pop with beatboxing. He's a good singer too. And another Italian song. Awesome. This one's called L'immenso. I have no idea what that means. Same sad love lyrics though. Aren't they all the same? Or is this saying something about Italian's ... Either way... You can't be serious! ANOTHER italian song! I quite like this one. It's by Paolo Meneguzzi. It's called Musica ('Music' in english). It's a really pretty. Something along the lines of... "For me, you are my music" etc etc. I LOVE THIS SONG! BLUES MACHINE!!! WE ROCK AT THIS SONG!!! OLD SCHOOL JAZZ BAND!!! AHHH!!!! Enough said. Soooooo many good memories from jazz band. Sick of this song now.... Life sure is a highway. I haven't heard this song for agesss. Good song. *sings* Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long *realises how terrible I song*

I'm so bored of this now, that my homework looks like fun.

I shall better do that then

That tops it!

2008-10-06T21:12:00.002+08:00

Sure. Why not? Just make it even worse for me.

Just make it even harder for when the time comes to say good bye.

Of course I don't want to say good bye. But it may be essential for not only me, but also him.

Lucky I've recently realised that this is all part of life. Reality is finally sinking in.

Who knew...

2008-10-06T15:36:00.000+08:00

... that a bit of burnt chocolate and a malfunctioning dvd could make someone so angry?

Girls Night In

2008-10-05T10:09:00.003+08:00

How to make a Girls Night In...

You Will Need:

2+ x Best Friends
1x Movie (Chick flicks prefered)
1x Popcorn
1x Gossip
2x Lollies

How to Make:

1. Mix everything together until you create a great night in.

2. To add to the flavour, add some nail polish and facials

3. The most important step, HAVE FUN!

Serves: One night

A Question

2008-10-04T09:29:00.002+08:00

Jesse asked an interesting question last night. And it got me thinking, although I was thinking about it before he asked.

"Why do people listen to depressing music when they're depressed?"

And I have no answer. I just know it's true. Bec agreed with me. She said maybe it was because you could connect to the music. And now I'll offer my own opinion. From the inspiring movie The History Boys, you'll find a scene that goes along the lines of:

"The best moments in reading are when you come across something, a thought
a feeling, a way of looking at things that you'd thought special, particular to
you, and here it is, set down by someone else, a person you've never met, maybe
even someone long dead, and it's as if a hand has come out and taken
yours"

The same surely applies to our music taste. Can you see someone who is about to jump off a cliff listening to Mika's Grace Kelly?? No, not at all.

And then you can examine my own playlist at the moment. For a couple of days now, I've been listening to the following song:

Better That We Break -- Maroon 5
Dakota -- The Stereophonics
The Hill -- Marketa Irglova
Lost Without You -- Delta Goodrem
Why Does it Always Rain on Me? -- Travis
7 Things -- Miley Cyrus

At first it may appear like perfectly normal songs to be listening to. I love Maroon 5, Marketa Irglova plays a beautiful role in the movie Once and Miley Cyrus is considered "popular" at the moment. So sure, a perfectly balanced selection.

Then it gets interesting. Look at the lyrics for each song and you would get a fair idea of how I've been feeling.

Better That We Break: "I heard you speak and now it kills me, just to hear you say the simple things."
Dakota: "I wonder if we'll meet again and talk about life since then, talk about why did it end"
The Hill: "I know that in the morning, I have to let you go, and you'll be just a man, once I used to know"
Lost Without You: "How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side"
Why Does it Always Rain on Me?: "Oh, where did the blue skies go? And why is it raining so? Its so cold"
7 Things: "The 7 things I hate about you oh you, You're vain, your games, you're insecure .... You make me laugh, you make me cry ...And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do, You make me love you"

Now you see? Music could be a dead give away to how I've been feeling. And I know this theory works. Not only did Bec second my motion, but I've seen it in action too. A friend of mine, who I don't seen very much, I happen to notice what songs they'd been lstening to. Wanting to test my new theory, I checked the lyrics of those songs too. And what do you know! my friend has been listening to music which kind of simulate the mood I've been in. Although I haven't had to oppotunity to fully test my theory, can't you tell it's true?

P.S. This morning I'm listening to a wide range of music because my ipods on shuffle. Go figure that one out.

It's all about power

2008-10-02T15:25:00.003+08:00

Who do you think is the most powerful person in the whole world? I have a couple who measure up pretty close:

1.) The Queen of England. She may not use her power at all, but if the need arose, just think of how many colonies she could summon to her aid. Australia for example. If SHE wanted to take over the world, it would be easy in her position.

2.) The Pope. Just like the Queen, he has power bu doesn't use it. Just think of all the Christians he could turn on you if you stood in his way. They'd do anything f they thought it would get them closer to god (I'm an athiest, so don't mind my jabs at religion)

3.) The President of America. He could stop trade with any country in the world and force the world into another Great Depression at the drop of a hat. It's happening now, you know -- and he didn't even want it to happen.

In other news, Nachos have become my comfort food =) Trying to be strong here.

Being a Lit student.

2008-10-01T20:23:00.002+08:00

Fucking lit references are driving me mental... I MUST write them down!

I half expect a raven to just fly in my window and start saying "Nevermore" (which in Poe's poem The Raven it's the ravens way of never letting the guy forget about his lost lover)

And I feel like Sissy from Dickens' Hard Times who would never stop crying when her father left her. She just kept telling herself that he would come back.
He never did.

I think it's hitting me now, too. He's not coming back.

This is the end of the road.

Richard the Third

2008-10-01T10:13:00.003+08:00

Now is the winter of our discontent

Made glorious summer by this sun of York;

And all the clouds that lowered upon our house

In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.

Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths,

Our bruised arms hung up for monuments,

Our stern alarums changed to merry meetings,

Our dreadful marches to delightful measures.

Grim-visaged war hath smoothed his wrinkled front,

And now, instead of mounting barbed steeds

To fright the souls of fearful adversaries,

He capers nimbly in a lady's chamber

To the lascivious pleasing of a lute.

But I, that am not shaped for sportive tricks

Nor made to court an amorous looking-glass;

Cheated of feature by dissembling nature,

Deformed, unfinished, sent before my time

And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover

To entertain these fair well-spoken days,

I am determined to prove a villain

-- William Shakespeare's Richard III (Opening Solioquoy)

Why the Shakespeare you ask? Well I feel rather like dear old Richard at the moment. Just not nearly as twisted, or am I?

Just like the opening solioquoy of Richard the Third, which sets up the major plot points of the narrative by allowing the audience to anticipate the coming events and signals what is coming in the rest of the play with perfection, it seems that I, too, may anticipate the coming events as they unfold over the next month or so (hopefully less).

"Plots have I laid..."
In Richard III this quote signals that throughout the play we will see Richard carry out these plots in an attempt to become King of England. In my life, I too will lay plots in order to get through this.

"And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover/...I am determined to prove a villain"
This quote suggests that throughout the play, Richard will prove to the audience that he is a villian since he cannot prove to us that he is a lover (He's a little twisted). Since I cannot prove a lover either, I may have to just prove that I'm a villian, and have a little fun with all the pain that's been caused.

My dear old friend Richard, you're a genius!

The end of the world

2008-09-30T18:55:00.002+08:00

It's the end of the world as I know it. (Or is it?)

It all finally fell. The bridge that had been wobbling between to two of us over the past couple of weeks finally came crashing down today. I think I knew it was inevitable, I just didn't want to believe it. I'm worried that the space between us will never heal. That we'll just move on and go our seperate ways and never see each other again. I'm worried because I have no idea was "space" means!! Does it mean I have to completely erase him from my life until he comes back? What if he doesn't come back? Gah. That worries me the most. I can't live without him. Even if he does come back, will things ever be the same again? Can we just continue from where we left off? Or is another fall around the corner again? All these worries. Thay made me feel distraught a few hours ago, but now not so much. I just feel numb. Like part of me is missing, yet I can still continue to live. Then I feel angry. I feel like I could break something. I feel like kicking something. I feel angry because this is my fault. I feel angry with myself because I've gone wrong somewhere, I acted like a girl and it scared him away. I feel angry because maybe someone else will be there for him when I should be. That someone will take my place while he's away.
Maybe it was something Deasy said to me which makes me feel like this now. He said that everyone has a different way of dealing with stress and pressure. And maybe he just needs space.
And that calmed me, I think. I don't feel so tense anymore, I don't feel like I'm about to break down and cry anymore.

I should be worried. I should be crying. But I'm not. I'm in a state of shock. I feel exhausted. But I dont feel like I'm going to break anything with arms reach like I was a few hours ago.

Maybe the pain is still coming. Maybe when it sets in that he's gone, it will. What makes it even worse is that for me to come out of the period in my life, I need him. He just doesn't need me.

The fickle friend..

2008-09-30T08:17:00.000+08:00

And the winner is...

JELOUSY!

Don't you just hate it?

What worries me...

2008-09-28T20:20:00.002+08:00

... is that we could be sinking into another Great Depression with the recession in the US.

I've studied the effects of the Great Depression in history so I have a fair idea of how utterly terrible it was. And I know enough to say I don't want to live through that.

It really worries me.

What if I can't afford to live in the future? I mean, I have all these dreams, hopes and expectations for my future, but what if I can't get that. I want to big paying job, with the huge house, and a expensive car which screams "wealth", holidays every other year, maybe even moving to London, everything the best of the best. It sounds materialistic, but living a good life would make me happy. I'd never want to live in poverty. But I might not get that. My parent's and family worry me every day with discussions about investing my money in houses, the price of petrol, the price of food, the price of living! And it's only going to get worse. How will I be able to have the perfect life I want if I cant afford to live? I'll be able to afford a car within a year, but I wont be able to afford to drive it. How funny is that?

But it worries me.

If only I had a heart...

2008-09-27T09:18:00.002+08:00

My dad's advise for me when I didn't cry at the airport as the Italians left: "You need to get heartbroken. That way when you connect with someone and they leave, you'll actually feel something"

Well done dad. Thanks a lot.

I may not have cried, but I can show my love in another way:

Sara - Officially my Italian sister. I love this girl so much
Luca - Maybe we shouldn't have taugh him how to say "motherfuckingnigger" way back in Italy last year.
Michele - "Thanks for the lift, Kathryn"
Gianluca - This guy is so sweet and adorable. I'm going to miss him lots
Debbie - She may have smoked and gotten herself in trouble for sneaking into other peoples rooms, but she had a heart of gold.
Claudia - First girl Jason "hooked up with". She's so sweet :)
Manuela - Err... I think we'll all remember her for all the bad reasons. Pug face.
Ivan - Manchild. Stange one, this one.
Patrizia - She is so lovely. I wish I could keep her.

That's the extent of my love. Maybe I do need a broken heart.

Maybe I already have one

Here comes the rain

2008-09-26T15:40:00.004+08:00

I was too lazy to write this yesterday, but it was very much on my mind. Never the matter, I'll do it now.... (just pretend you were reading this yesterday)..

Something I noticed on my way walking home in the rain is how much more snails there are when it's raining. Literally, every 2 seconds I would see another snail. It's crazy! Anyway, that got me thinking and considering I had lit today [really yesterday, but remember we're pretending it's yesterday] my mind was still in lit thinking mode, because that's what I do. Considering my dear old friends Coleridge and Wordsworth, I thought about what their take on the rain would be. Let's not even go into what Coleridge would think considering he was a HUGE opium addict, but Wordsworth would offer me a more romantic perspective of rain, a seemingly simple, inevitable thing. The rain seems to make everything so much duller and darker. Which got me thinking about my dear hero Allen Ginsberg. His whole point of writing "Howl" was to do a modernist take on romanticism -- he just didn't know it. However, unlike the real romantics (ie Wordsworth and Coleridge), Ginsberg didn't offer an alternative to the "horrors" of society. Whilst W & C wrote about how wonderful nature is to lure people away from industrialisation, Ginsberg just reminded us of how crap life is and showed the less desirable, and hidden aspects of society which we being hidden by the bourgeious. But anyway, back to the rain. It reminded me of Ginsberg. The rain reminds us of the reality; that not everyday for everyone is going to be sunny (and therefore happy). That there are still a zillion aspects of each and everyone and everything in the whole universe which aren't perfect and are grey. But the rain, like Ginsberg, doesnt offer an alternative to these, she's just here to remind us that not everything is perfect and that not everything is as "cool" or as "good" as we think. It's what's under the covers and what gets pushed aside that is the real show of reality. Just like the jazz musicials, struggling artists, psychiatric patients, homosexual and poets the rain reminds todays society about those of us who might not always feel so sunny.

This is Australia!

2008-09-24T19:03:00.002+08:00

You know, the first question someone from another country will always ask you is "Do you have a pet kangaroo?" or "Do you ride a kangaroo to school?". And I've always dismissed these questions with a laugh and saying the only place I've seen a kangaroo is at the zoo.

That was until today.

Driving along Alexander Drive (a busy main road) I saw a kangaroo. But wait, not just one... TWO!

Imagine that! Two kangaroo's down a busy suburban road!

Ha! That makes me laugh.

In other news. I've just realised today how cool Gianluca is (I hope I spelt it right). I love that guy. He's so real. He's so much the underdog in the whole tour group. But he's so nice and ... well real. I'm going to miss that guy. I really am.

But I'm going to miss them all too..

History References

2008-09-23T16:11:00.002+08:00

Just like the Japanese during the 1930s I feel like I'm going through my own "Dark Valley". However, there are some subtle differences:

1.) I haven't just gone from liberalism to militarism. Of course there is some connection if you look at the connotations linked to each word. For example, liberalism has connotations to peace and... well peace. But militarism kinda reminds you of Hitler. Or Stalin, depending if you're Bender (the teacher NOT the robot) or not. Truly, I have shifted from inner peace to feeling terrible. But I'm not about to blow up Pearl Habour...

2.) Which brings me to my next point. I'm not trying to expand my territory into Asia. BUT I am trying to expand my influence in his life. But why is he being so much like China during the Second Sino-Japanese War!?!?

3.) I'm not being run by the army. Not explaination needed.

See.... I do have problems at the moment. And I know anyone who has read my last couple of posts will see that. But I'm not about to go jump off a cliff to get rid of these problems. Just to clarify that point. NOT suicide, just over the problems.

I know I haven't been myself as of late, as *most* of you can see, but don't try to force me to be happy when I'm not. I love you all for caring, I really do feel special when people notice these kind of things. I may sound like im complaining about all the shit going on in my life, but I'm just letting off all my steam which has been bottled up over the past couple of months. *thought* Maybe that's why I'm just suddenly sunk deep since the weekend, because this is my way of letting it all out. I may want to yell and scream at him, but that's just not possible. He makes me smile and laugh too much when he's being good to me, when he's looking after me. I need to accept that. And if that means that the cons out weight the pros, I should be ready to accept that too.

Music therapy should do me good. Give me the Beatles and cleaning anyday and it'll sure raise my mood.

Even if it means going form the Dark Valley to the Very-Dim Valley.

P.S. Check this out, right now!!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xh_P9dcIagE (I'm so proud of Mr Bender!)

Letting go

2008-09-22T16:18:00.002+08:00

I saw Verona today.

That was very hard for me today.

And I feel very vulnerable now. I feel exposed.

She told me that I can live without him. That I'm already doing it, because he's not here mentally nor physically. That it's not healthy for me. And that giving him the ball is the right thing.

But what do I do when he's the only thing I need right now. The only thing that would make me better.

Yet, I need to move on.

Re-evaluating It

2008-09-21T09:13:00.008+08:00

At this moment, I'm glad that no one bothers to read my blog. Because it's times like these that I just need to get all my emotions and thoughts and feelings down on paper (or the the computer screen) to work out exactly what happened and how I feel about it because at the moment I think my head is about to explode with what actually happened to me between Friday afternoon and last night. Because a lot happened. Too much. So here goes...

I can skip past Friday at school, because that was quite boring except for it being Aussie Day at our school (a random excuse to have a free dress day to fundraise for the year 12 Graduation!) But we'll skip straight to the moment I got a call from Deasy asking where the Prendiville (+ Ocean Reef) people were supposed to be. So I was sent to retrieve them. Wasn't a hard task, actually. *Fast forward* Then we got on the bus. It kinda set the scene for the rest of the weekend, and I should have seen it then. I did the stupid thing. I ditched my girls to sit near my friends (the Ryans and Jas). It was kinda fun. But looking back now, I should have seen the signs which would have told me to not try this weekend. It just went down hill from there. And I really do mean it. When we arrived at the hotel, we had a couple of hours to just chill and have free time. Most of us went down into the indoor pool. I was there with my girls, but once again, I thought I had a better alternative so I went to sit near my "friends" again. That's were I think I really began to notice it. Wouldn't talk to me. Wouldn't even look at me. It kinda hurt a little, but I took it without much complaint. Then all my fears from the previous couple of days hit me. He didn't even consider me a friend. He was ignoring me. And that hurt a lot. All the shit he'd give me over the past couple of months just added up to that, and I knew it. But I wasn't going to take that lying down. I gave him his room. And myself a heartache. At dinner that night, I didn't try getting a table near them. I sat with some of my other friends from Prendiville and basically ignored him. It made me feel a little better. And I enjoyed dinner.

The hardest, most excruciating part of the whole weekend was by far at bowling that night. I was in a terrible mood at him and he was really ticking me off. I felt terrible. Like I really do mean that. I'd try putting on a brave face, but after the first hour and a bit I couldn't any longer. The silly boy didn't even notice. I suppose that's what hurt me most. He would bowl his ball, on his lane, then go off to talk to the other guys. So so much as a "hi" to me. After a bit, Prof (my prof) noticed my mood. She asked me if I wanted to go outside to talk. I was really quite eager to do that. I jsut needed to get out of there. And the tears I'd been holding back all night were about to break loose. We went outside and she asked me what was up. And it all just came out. I told her everything. And the tears came thick. But I let it all out. Everything. Everything that had been bothering me over the past couple of months. After a few minutes, we went back in. And, walking past him, I rushed to the bathroom so wash my face. By coincidence, Rach and Ash were in the bathroom too. I love those girls. They are so kind. They gave me a hug and offered to bash him up for me. I think I took that offer too readily! And then I went back to bowling. Smiling was very forced from this moment on. I was trying so hard to look like I was having fun to avoid suspicion from anyone. I'm not sure if it worked. Then what go confusing, and I'd still love to know the answer, I swear I saw him head towards me, almost walking down the stairs to where I was. But then he stopped and turned around. I'm not sure whether he was just seeing if it was his turn to bowl, or if he was coming over to see me -- I don't know. But for my sanity, I wish I knew. Maybe because he almost looked worried. But I don't know. I managed to get through the rest of the night at bowling and back to the hotel where I could hopefully sleep it off.

I cryed myself to sleep that night.

But it felt good to get most of it out and by the morning I felt just the tiniest bit better. Saturday, I was the mother. I looked after all my girls and tryed to push Friday from my mind. I don't think the girls were fooled. And I couldn't manage to convince myself either. At the mini-show-thing nothing changed. I tryed to have fun. And I really wanted to talk to him. Well yelling at him would have been better. But I didn't get my change. Instead I got very burnt. So I still ignored him. Until we bumped into them at Baskin and Robbins. Looking back, I' not sure if I feel ashamed or proud of my actions. Bit of both, really. I asked him why he was ignoring me all weekend. And the nerve of that guy was that apparently he hadn't had much oppotunity to. So I just glared at him for a bit before just walking away. I was ready for it, but just not really. So once again, I tryed to forget about him. Then it got interesting on the bus ride home. Unfortunantly for me, I got stuck on the same bus as him. Fortunantly for me, it was a big bus and he was at the back while I was at the front with my girls. I slept a bit on the bus and listened to music. And got a message from him asking what was wrong. That made me feel a little better. But also desperate at the same time. Better, because he had FINALLY noticed that something wasn't right with me. Desperate, because all that I needed in that moment was a comforting hug from his and a chance to cry again.

And I didn't see him again till his party last night. Now THAT was a funny experience! Many things happened last night. It started kinda slow. I felt really out of place. Then a couple more people came and it started to get interesting. It was only a small party. About 15 of us in total. But there was alcohol. What made me laugh was when him mum offered some of the guys a lift up to the bottle shop. But I absolutly understand why. Of course, teenages are going to drink. And she wasn't forbidding it, but instead by bringing it into her home, she would be able to control it and keep an eye on things. It was a win-win situation. I do adore that lady. She is so kind and sweet. I don't understand why Ryan talks to bad of her. I met Mark too. He seemed really nice. And responsible too. I don't think I saw him drink at all last night. But he was cool. Kelly (Prendiville) didn't drink either. Nor did Michele (Jason's ital). And of course me too. Although I did have a couple of sips from Woolgar's drinks. Empasis on the plural. Dale had way too much. And so did Deasy. But the end of the night has was all over Nima. I think my respect from him went down slightly. But mostly of Nima's. She hadn't drunk that much and I think she was still in control. Yet she took advantage of Deasy because he'd had a little too much. Surprisingly, Jason had had a fair bit, yet was still in total control. I applaud him. Funniest of them all was Wooglar though. I swear. Even now, 12 hours on, I sit at my desk chuckling to myself at that boy. I suppose he did have a bit to drink. Not too much, but maybe enough for him to be a bit more crazy than usual. About 9.30 I think I'd considered him drunk. What kinda gave me that suspicion, prehaps, was his dancing. Man that was funny! Or maybe the way he was acting a bit more like "Jack Sparrow" every moment. But I wasn't sure. I think he's always a bit like that, honestly. Or maybe when I asked him if he was drunk or just always like that and he replied "A little of column A and a little from column B". Or maybe when he told me to "watch out for Chelsea [his dog]" and when I gave him a weird look he added "because you're a cat"............ I just told him to keep walking. I kept a very close eye on him for the whole night. I'm not too sure as to why. Maybe I was still in "mother-mode" from Mandurah. So I took him drink off him for a bit. What didn't help his case was when I later asked him if he was really drunk and he said to me "Well if I was drunk, do you think I'd be able to say antidisestablishmentarianism? The longest word in the english language with 29 letters". That made me chuckle. And eventually we had to go.

I don't know where I sit now. I should still be pissed off at him for being such a jerk over the past couple of months, expecially this weekend. But he kinda made up for lost time last night. He looked after me. Or at least I looked after him. But it felt all good. As if Mandurah hadn't happened. But where does that leave me now? I'm exposed now. I know that he will hurt me again because he's a teengaged boy and because he's Ryan. And I think it will be worse next time. I won't just fall, but I will fall hard. It just continuing to build up and up on me. I need to let it all out and, basically, yell at him. To let all my emotions out and tell him how I've been feeling. But also to have him there for me when I do tell him all and when I do cry. Because the thing I've been craving most over the past couple of months is that.

And that's what I need now.

L'anno Prossimo

2008-09-15T17:00:00.002+08:00

I was doing my italian homework where I had to write about next year... it all kinda just flowed. (NB: I did translate it)

Next year will be a huge year in my life. It will be my last year at school and therefore I wil have to study very hard. But I promise myself that I will have fun with my friends and enjoy our last year. At school I will study English Lit, History, Italian, Chemistry, Maths and music. I will take many photos and make a scrapbook full of memories from my last year. I want to enjoy my last year and do anything to achieve this. I will live life. I will be able to get my drivers licence so I can drive and be free. I can't wait until I will be free from my parents and finally live an interesting life free of restraints. I will drink sensibly. I will make mistake but I will learn. I will cry. I will laugh. I will fall in love. I will smile. I will have bad times. I will have good times. I won't take anything for granted. I will enjoy my friends. I will enjoy school. I will enjoy life.

How nice is that? Kinda makes me look forward to next year in a way!

A Day to Breathe

2008-09-02T19:01:00.002+08:00

I got a semi-breather today. Although I had Jazz Band at 7.15 this morning, I can home after that and just relaxed.

My day comprised of Guitar Hero, baking a chocolate cake, doing a bit of homework, watching several episodes of How I Met Your Mother, going to Jess' to get Melissa to do my hair, coming home to do more homework and that's about it.

It was great to get a day to just breathe and catch up with things that I've got behind with.

But I don't feel better yet. I was almost at the edge of the cliff yesterday where, if I had continued that way, I would have fallen off and possibly sunk into a deep pit of depression. But now I feel less like I'm on the edge of an abyss.

All I need now that would make we truely better would be my "friend" (reference to a code which I use with a "teacher") being with me and just us letting me cry it all out on his shoulder. Then I could feel at peace with the world and myself again.

But that won't happen. At least not for a long time yet.

Freedom!

2008-09-01T19:29:00.002+08:00

Finally! Freedom!

I define freedom as the ability to walk around my house in my pj's at 5.30pm and not having anyone to worry about seeing me.

And I've got that.
Go me!

Well... Nic's gone. I don't know if I should be celebrating or crying. Neither seem to fit.

However, that was lat night's news.

Today I've been really tired/depressed/stressed. Ouch. Not too good.

I need a hug. BUT ONCE AGAIN THE PERSON I NEED THE HUG FROM IS HEAPS FAR AWAY! AND AT WORK!!! Grr. Not good. Not good at all.

That moment

2008-08-28T19:55:00.000+08:00

I'd go back and re-live it over and over and over again.

Perfection.

Almost. I have a list of small alteration.

Then it would be *perfect*.

And I'd stay frozen in that forever.

And ever and ever

Anger

2008-08-15T17:09:00.001+08:00

Angry

So so so angry.

Need to scream and let it out.

But the person I would like to scream and let it out too isn't mentally nor physically here.

Doesn't help the situation, does it?

What will it behold?

2008-08-12T19:59:00.002+08:00

You know, forms for leavers jackets came out yesterday. Isn't that scary? They're already planning year 12 for us! I just want to finish year 11 first! Too scary! Way too scary.

What makes it worse is that on Sunday I went to the UWA open day. And basically decided my future. Way too scary.

I'm not ready for the big world.

It seems like yesterday that I started year 7. Now I'm already planning year 12!? What gives!?!?

My Sanity

2008-07-23T17:35:00.000+08:00

My sanity is being pushed to its wits end at the moment.

Why is he doing this to me!?

And why is HE doing this to me too? Doesn't he realise?

Don't they both realise?!?!?!?

"Give Up"

2008-07-18T14:27:00.002+08:00

Had a really strange dream last night. Although I usually do, so this isn't really anything new.

But he wrote/typed the words "give up". Whether he was refering to himself giving up, or saying that I should give up, I don't know.

I must investigate!

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!

On a more serious note...

2008-07-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

Depression is getting to me again.

It's been hovering over me since Sundee now. And it's suffocating me. Pulling me under like fog. It's quite a lot like fog. I can't see a way out of it. I can't even see my feet. All I see is a light in the far distance, pointing me in a direction. But what direction will that be? Do I just need to trust that my feet are taking me to a safe place, or somewhere far worse? The fog is swirling around me still. Clouding my mind so I can't even think straight.

Wow. Did I just write that? I feel like a poet. Or even worse -- a ROMANTIC!

I blame this classical songwhich is on right now.

It's amazing what comes up when you're ipod's on shuffle

I should be writing a debate...

2008-07-15T12:31:00.000+08:00

How do you feel towards the person who texted you last?
Woolgar is an awesome friend who I literally couldn't live without

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Jesse. He is good help.

Do you think you are an argumentative person?
yeah. I'm a born debater!

Can you read other people's expressions?
Not really. I'm terrible at it. However, I can sometimes when I know the person well enough. Some people are really easy to read.

Have you ever kissed someone named Jesse?
HAHA!!!! That is the funniest question EVER! Nope. Never want to either.

How did you feel when you woke up this morning?
Surprisingly good.

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
At the Maroon 5 concert.

Are you a forgiving person?
Yes, quite. I forgive too quickly sometimes. And I also trust people too much.

Do you miss anybody?
Yes. And it's chewing a hole inside of me.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
There are 2 that do.

When is the last time you saw a movie in the theater?
Saturdee night!

How has this week been?
Terrible so far.

Are you afraid to grow up?
Not really, just afraid to get olddd.

World Domination

2008-07-13T11:48:00.000+08:00

MISSION: Total World Domination

STATUS: Failed

Yeah.... about that.

My perfect, fool-proof plan to surprise Ryan had failed. Bummer. I'd hate to talk about our secret mission in such a way, but we all learn from our mistakes, right? So here goes...

The night started with Jesse's mum driving us to Whitfords for out 7.20 screening of Hancock. The car ride was funny. Jesse was being Jesse. Then we got there. I couldn't stop twitching. It was like he knew I was there. Had I given away our plot too much? Did he know what I was doing? All these questions running through my mind. We got McDonalds for dinner and sat waiting for the others to show (thanks to my brilliant planning, I had allowed about 30mins before the movie started for arrival!) And so we waiting. Eventually my nervousness grew too much and I sent him a message -- to ensure my plan would work. "Are you on break? I'm bored". I wasn't lying exactly. I was asking if he was on break. And I was slightly bored too as we waited. No reply. Except ever time Jess sent me a message saing sheas running late, I would panic in case it was him. But it wasn't.

Eventually Jess showed up. We waiting around talking a bit before deciding to take a bold move to purchase our tickets (Lloyd still hadn't showed by this stage). So we snuck up the escalators to get our tickets -- Jesse and I doing our best James Bond impersonations! THEN! We spotted Ryan across the room! *GASP* He looked our way! My plan was ruined! Once we had our tickets in our hands, we literally FLEW down the stairs to ait for Lloyd. THEN! All of a sudden...

RYAN COMES DOWN THE STAIRS!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At that exact moment, my plan was ruined for real. Man that was a heart-wrenching moment. Why, oh WHY, couldn't he have waited another 5 mins to take his break!?!?!? *sigh* (turns out he actually hadn't seen up before, it was just Jesse and I being paranoid) Then Lloyd shows up and we are forced to get our tickets ripped by some OTHER guy! Pfft... not nearly as cool!

Two hours later, the movie finished. Wasn't even that fantastic. Like it was alright, but meh! I dunno. Maybe my mind was just distracted...

We saw him on the way out too.

Disapointment is washing over me. I was really looking forward to surprising him.

Oh well... there is always next time!

A Day of Change

2008-07-11T20:22:00.000+08:00

A lot changed in my life today.

I sat down and solved all of my problems.

Sounds good in theory and on paper, but I'm yet to find out if it really will work.

So now 10 of my problems are solved. Believe it or not, all 10 issues revolve around the same thing. (Today was just a test run after all). I've been wanting this kind of "me-time" where I can sit down and just think, and think hard, for about 3 weeks now and finally I gave myself that space and time.

I don't feel as if my soul has been lifted, but this isn't just some quick fix. It's going to take time to amend my ways, and maybe this time I'm going to be a little more willing to let this type of cange occur -- hopefully for the better.

Supre

2008-07-10T18:25:00.000+08:00

I'm waging war against this chain of stores. Particularly the Perth City one. And there is no stopping me. I'm a debater/public speaker with an opinion who is disgruntled so here goes...
Today whilst in the city I decided to do a spot of shopping. As I walked up and down the malls looking for an outfit for Saturday night (Our massive plan for world domination), I saw Supre. Now, I haven’t shopped at Supre much because I believe it to be overpriced rags, sold to 13- and 14-year-old girls who want to look like they are older and sluttier. With this in mind, the average shopper is still from the demographics between 10 to 25 years old. The clothes they sell are apparently “straight off the catwalk” in colours that, quite frankly, would look better in a rave club that on a girl (we’re looking at highlighter yellows and greens), however occasionally they will sell things that I like. What drew me to the store today was a recent commercial I had seen which was advertising ¾ length sleeved shirts at a reasonable price. On arrival to the store I found the rack with these shirts and after looking through 4 of the racks, I came up empty handed. There was a wide range of colours, most of which were actually decent looking, but what were lacking were the sizes. The only sizes available were anything from size S to size XXXXS. Now, I knew that I was a medium before looking, and actually in some stores I may fit into a small. I have a flat stomach as a result of my operation and lack of eating since then, and I have equally small boobs, however I am still of average build because of my bones which are genetic from both sides of the family. Anyway, I eventually found a medium and took a small with me into the change rooms just incase. I tried the medium on and quickly discovered that it was just a little too small for me. Do you know how belittling that is? To found out that a medium size was too small for you? It doesn’t make you feel good at all. I know, I know. You’re most probably thinking that I’m just being a self-conscience teenaged girl. But I’m not. I’m very comfortable with most of my body, but when a medium size doesn’t fit me, then please excuse me if I feel a little put down.

So my whole point is that chain stores such as Supre need to re-think what they sell and who they sell it to. I know I’m not the only girl in Perth who is the same body size as me and who would be just as frustrated to walk in and find the same thing. Things need to change around here.

Another Quizzz

2008-07-10T17:58:00.000+08:00

Series #1- YOU
Birth time: Some time in the morning
Last place you traveled: I went to the city today, but if you mean abroad, then Italy
Eye Color: blue or green (depending on the day)
Nail Color: well I did just paint them with some stuff to stop me biting my nails.
Height: somewhere between average and short
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Series #2 - DESCRIBE
Your heritage: Australian on both sides, but going back you will find a bit of English, French and Scottish
Shoes you wore today: black flats (they go with anything!)
Your hair: bottle brown
Your weakness: musiccc. and friends.
Your fears: magpies
Your perfect pizza: I'm not a big pizza fan
One thing you'd like to achieve: world domination

Series #3 - WHAT IS...
Your most overused phrase on messenger: "indeed"
Your thoughts first waking up: "what subjects do I have today?" or "That dream was random"
Your current worry: I worry too much. I have many worries at the moment. One big one in particular... *shivers* horrible thoughts
Your plans tomorrow: Homework. Year 11 sucks
Your best physical feature: My smile? You tell me
Your greatest accomplishment: I'm pretty sure spending 2 months alone in Italy is pretty great. Or getting to the STATE SMI-FINALS for a public speaking comp is pretty awsome too

Series #4 - YOU PREFER
Sunrise or sunset: Both
Gore or horror: Gore
Eastside or westside: What's the difference?
Stripes or polka dots: polka dots
Money or fame: money
Planes or trains: planes
Metal or hardcore: both suck
Boxers or briefs: Ha. I dont know...
Your life is: perfect
Pools or hot tubs: spas (aka Hot Tubs)

Series #5 - D0 YOU
Cuss: I try not to
Do you think you've been in love: Not yet
Want to get married: some day
Like to take baths: Yes. But I prefer showers
Get motion sickness: Nope. I like to stand up as the boat tips from side to side
Like talking on the phone: Depends who it is to
Like thunderstorms: Yes. It's my fav type of weather
Play an instrument: Clarinet, Tenor Sax and Piano
Workout: Never
Like reading: Always

Series #6- FAVORITES
Kind of fruit: Mango
Music to fall asleep to: anything. Michael Buble or rock music works too
Time of the day: Mid- morning
Feature in the opposite sex: Their ability to laugh at me, with me and most importantly make me laugh
Car: PUNCH-BUGGY
Number: 2
Thing to do right before bed: Read and write in my diary if I can be bothered
Thing to say when you're mad: I dont mad that often so I wouldn't know
Era: the 80s
Horror movie: I really really really really don't do Horror films
Colors: Lime green or blue

Series #7 - FUTURE
Age you hope to be married: Somewhere between 25-30
Numbers & Names of Children: A couple. Names shall include: Alice, Ruby, Miles and Carter
How do you want to die: Young (but of course after I've had the job, children and big house)
Where you want to go to college: UWA's Law school.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Lawyer
What country would you most like to visit: Well I WILL be living in England or Scotland some day

Epithany

2008-07-07T10:58:00.000+08:00

At 3am this morning, it hit me.

My life isn't what it should.

If I want the better future that I do, then there are habits that I need to change to get there.

It will be hard, very hard, but I'm willing to give it a try.

Here are a list of my steps to a better future:

1. Get a new job

2. Save money (which means not spending!)

3. Stop using my mums money

4. Exercise more

5. Eat less junk and more healthy food

6. Study heaps more (if I want to get into Law that is!!)

7. Smile every day

8. Be a kinder person, yet also learn to be assertive

9. Save power

10. Catch the bus more instead of getting the parents to drive me everywhere

11. Save water

12. Save gas

13. Read more

14. Go to the library more

15. Do more piano practise

16. But also seize the moment and live life like there is no tomorrow

The X

2008-07-06T13:52:00.000+08:00

I got rejected for his X

...

X-Box that is.

Just as bad, really.

Awkward

2008-07-04T17:11:00.000+08:00

It just got awkward. Talking about dating usually will always lead onto you admitting you "had feelings" for them or the other way around. Silly girl. And he even said "he already knew". What a loser. Of course he didn't. I didn't even know I did. Shitte. Lucky I have 2 weeks school holidays ahead of me so this can all wash overrr.

Maybe Becs right. I need help. No wait, thats not the advise she gave me. She told me to get a boyfriend. Pfft. Easier said than done!!!

Anyone care to help me?

Today = Grande

2008-06-30T18:18:00.000+08:00

Today has been one of the best days in a long time. In a couple of months if I'm correct. Maybe even longer.

Well I didn't go to school today because I was sick on the weekend and I just wanted to... errr.... get totally over it before Nicola arrives tomorrow. Plus I'm really quite lazy and just needed a break. But this move was a great one because without it my day wouldnt have panned out as it had.

First I actually a nice warm shower without the hot water being cut off from someone else. Then I was able to get dressed at my own pace to be picked up by nanna to get some meds for her. Whilst out I bumped into Mrs Winter and her cute new daughter (who is now one). That was so nice. I loved that family and its such a shame that time pulled us a part. Apparently David is doing great too. *Ponders* So many good memories from PEAC and that guy. We were really really good friends. Moving on, I then got a message from Barry asking if I was well enough to go on the internet. Of course I was so I got nanna to drop me off at home and I started talking with him.

He had missed the bus this morning. Still in his school uniform, he told me also of his night before involving alcohol, wii and sitting in a circle picking songs from an ipod to sing them out loud to him stumbling home, laughing at anything and everything (including forgetting to turn the light off) and his sister proclaiming "Oh my gosh, my brother is smashed". Funny story. But I wagged my finger at him and told him "tut tut". What a naughty boy. Conversation continued for the next couple of hours. After plotting to "get the mail" (in inverted commars) I asked if he had received any mail that day. The answer was no, and me being slightly put out about the lack of mail, but I maintained my calm facade for the sake of the surprise. An hour or so later, I discovered that he had just received mail. From me. I had won. I am such a genius! Then he was all grumpy because I beat him. What a loser. Man did I feel victorious!? And we continued to chat. Then I had to ask "why are you still in your school clothes?". So Ryan, being Ryan, stripped off his jumper. And me, being me, joked around asking him to go one step further. So he did. He took his shirt off. *brief pause in thought*. I don't know what else to say to that. He just took it off. He must of been freezing. But he didn't look that bad at all. (Shame on me for thinking that!!!) He just needs a tan, then he might actually be "sexy" (as he put it). *blush* MOVING ON! The rest of the day passed well. Ryan had to go for work, I should have been doing cleaning and homework through the day so I had that to go onto too.

All in all, a GREAT day! One of the best in the past couple of months.

Oh and Ryan and I made plans to catch up during the first week of the school holidays at his place so I can show Nicola the beach!

Thursday Night

2008-06-19T20:29:00.000+08:00

And I'm bored as all hell.

AND I'm pointing my finger at you!

Yes, it's all you're fault. Just because you're not here.

You're the sun and I'm the earth. Or Pluto will work too. Yes, Pluto works better

=)

The Diary didn't work...

2008-06-13T14:04:00.000+08:00

... and it usually does.

But not last night. So I'm forced to come here to *try* and fix my situation. Which may only make it worse actually. Oh well.

I don't know what's wrong. Actually, thats a lie. I do know what is wrong. I just don't know how to fix it. And for once in my life I can't talk to Jesse about it because he would be no help at all. Actually, that may be a lie too. I'll give him a call tonight. But in the mean time I have to wallow in my own misery for about 6 hours. Ouch. Misery isn't the right word though. It's more like a melancholy from awareness and frustration of the issue. Like Poe. Stupid poetry. Trust it to be annoying at a time like this. "Nevermore". Stupid raven. Who talks to a raven!? It's mental. The Tell-Tale Heart offers no real help either -- "You can't hide your flaw in your personality". At least it's not a tragic flaw, in which case I would be in serious trouble. That's the problem with doing Lit, it eventually gets to you. You eventually loose your mind.

Back to the plot. Melancholic feelings at the moment. My mind is going to drive me insane untill I call Jesse! I'm serious. My mind has often driven me insane, but not like this.

Just remember guys, I'm a happy person =) Bright and cheerful me.

Thats me. Me all over.

Sticky Beak

2008-06-12T14:58:00.000+08:00

Yes, you are.

Oh well...

Michael Buble last night. That was awsomeness. As in so awsome it will always be the coolest concert I've been to. For my whole entire life. Ever.

Movie is coming along very slowly. Maybe Ryan would like to help me with it? I'll credit him. I promise.

The role of most awsomest person is already taken by me unfortunantly.

Boreddddddd

The problem with exams...

2008-06-11T12:42:00.000+08:00

is that they finish and you have no idea what to do.

And you're bored as anything.

Like I am now.

Very bored.

Very, very bored.

But what use is it?

Stuck

2008-06-09T15:30:00.000+08:00

I'm stuck.

I've ran out of ideas (for many things).

But the movie problem is the biggest problem. I have about 2.5 weeks to finish it and I'm nowhere near there. I've got the first 2 scenes done and almost ready to go to my editors. But I just have the rest of the movie to go.

That sucks.

Any suggestions?

If so, PLEASE help me! I'll credit you!

D for De Ja Vu

2008-06-08T15:00:00.000+08:00

Sounds like a de ja vu here!

On the 13th of April I said:

"I'm being engulfed in a infatuation. I'm going crazy. I need it like a
drug. Like my drug. Just like my brand of drug. Like that vintage wine"

That was a strong reference to Twilight there. And now I must repeat that. Except there is a totally different situation now. The first time I wrote it, it was about my "Edward". NOW, it's another character in Twilight. My personal sun. I can't live it and it seems I must.

So totally NOT fair!

S.O.S. -- More Codes Needed!!!

2008-06-07T17:09:00.000+08:00

It's true. Another avid (or maybe not so) reader to my blog. Even more codes are needed! I'll be so good at this code thing that next World War, ASIO will have to imploy me to intercept and decipher foreign codes from the enimies!!!

Sounds like a job and a half. But in the mean time, I'll have to practice here...

Today nothing much happened. The twilight before now was odd. More than odd. It put Edward's mind reading abilities into perspective. No really, it did. But details should escape you. Unless you ask me.

Today finds a slightly better day. I'm treading on egg shells involving past twilight. Meantioning it could involve a relapse. Not, could involve "my-Jacob" thinking that I dont care what happened. But I do. It got me quite worried. My personal sun shouldn't have a cloud covering it. It's just not right. Not at all.

Things with Sam are fine now. That was just a brief moment of awkwardness, which has now passed -- thank god.

Codes suck. I give up!!!

The finer details of me

2008-05-31T20:52:00.000+08:00

If you could live in any other place, where & why?
London. I love it there so much

What animal best represents you & why?
A Labrador. I'm friendly and outgoing.

What is the craziest thing you ever did?
I suppose public speaking is pretty crazy

If you could meet anyone, who would it be & why?
Oh how long this list is! Either Tim Freedman, Kevin Rudd, Carter Jenkins or Andrew Hansen (In no specific order)

If you could go back in time & live in any decade, which would it be & why?
The 80's. Besides the terrible fashion, the music was great. Plus you didn't have the rising cost of petrol and food etc.

If you could have any superpower what would it be?
The ability to read minds

Whos is your ultimate celebrity crush?
Once again my list is longgg. Maybe Tim Freedman, Carter Jenkins and Andrew Hansen. Mostly Andrew Hansen.

What color best represents you?
Lime green.

What would your life's theme song be?l
Ummm.... I have too many.

Who would you cast to play you in a movie?
Myself. Because no one can do me better than me. Unless you can find me my identical twin!

What celebrity best represents your vision of fashion?
I dont have one.

What would your life movie be called?
Ummm.... let me think about it after I've written the script.

What is the greatest music video of all time?
There are heaps. Maybe The Foo Fighters -- Learn to Fly

If you could star in any t.v show, which one would it be?
Haha... Home and Away

What vehicle best represents you?
I'd like to think a PUNCH BUGGY!

If you could bring back 1 famous person from the dead for a day, who & why?
Hmm... dunno.

If you became president, what would you do first?
Actually it wold be Prime Minister, not President. And it would be to solve the Iraq issue.

Who do you think is the hottest actor/actress?
Eh hem. I'll pass.

Who do you think is the hottest musician/singer/rapper?
Hmmm........ Pass.

What sport best represents you & why?
Public Speaking. That's pretty brutal. And well.... public speaking is kinda a key thing in my life

What is your most missed memory of childhood?
My friends and freedom.

What is your greatest accomplishment?
Getting through a major spinal operation and Rostrum public speaking. State Semi's are my limit!

Weird is Life

2008-05-29T15:47:00.000+08:00

Or Life is Weird if you're normal.

Unlike me.

Exams start next week. Aww mannn.

Rostrum Semi-Finals of Saturday. Aww mannn.

Him being unreadable and confusing. Aww mannn.

Me still not being the top of my history class. Aww mannn.

English Lit is going good though. =) Quite well actually. Yessss.

Friends being awkward towards each other. Aww mannn.

Having 2 exams right after each other on Wednesdee. Aww mannn.

But have 4 days off to study for history. Yessss.

Feeling artistic at a time like this. Aww mannn.

Wanting to make another movie at a time like this. Aww mannn.

Missing him. Aww mannn.

Wanting another him. Aww mannn.

Maths is going good. Yessss.

Chem, not so. Aww mannn.

Being only a couple of marks behind Terri in Italian. Aww mannn.

Us both being almost A's. Yessss.

Nicola's arrive looms ever closer. Yessss.

But the house isn't ready yet. Aww mannnn.

Wanting something I shouldn't. Aww mannnn.

Weird is Life!

Ouch

2008-04-16T20:22:00.000+08:00

It's building up on me.

Strangling me.

Attempting to ruin my existance.

Crushing me.

All because he came along.

Just like that spider who sat down beside her.

Ouch.

That hurts.

Again.

Why do we humans fall from the skys when we no longer can float? Why would we try flying in the first place if we knew our wings couldnt support us?

Twice.

That silly girl with her curds and way.

But that even stupider spider. Why is he trying to severe our ties?

I'd love to say it would all wash away in the morning, but it won't. Rain is powerful, just not that strong.

Mistaken Identity.

2008-04-16T18:24:00.000+08:00

I'm going to start calling Lloyd Barry or I'll start calling Barry Lloyd!

Gah! I swear. I cannot tell them apart on msn.

Except Barry replies faster...

Todee

2008-04-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

Went to the movies today with my bunch (except for Hayley and Bec).

It was heaps of fun.

I love my group.

It now seems complete with Lloyd there. I dont know why, it just does.

I hope he feels like he fits in.

He's a nice guy. Cool really. Kinda like me. And has the BEST accent! I LOVE it! Bahaha. Even though we tease him, we love him.

Engulfingment

2008-04-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

I'm being engulfed in a infatuation.

I'm going crazy.

I need it like a drug.

Like my drug.

Just like my brand of drug.

Like that vintage wine

The Story of My Life as told by ME

2008-03-24T09:53:00.000+09:00

Opening Credits: For The Girl -- The Fratellis

Birth: This Charming Man -- The Smiths

Waking Up: Wake Up Call -- Maroon 5

First Day At School: Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye -- Gracie Fields

Falling In Love: Feeling Good -- Michael Buble

Breaking up: I Write Sins not Tradgedies -- Panic at the Disco

Prom: Magic Works -- The Weird Sisters

Happy Times: Here It Goes Again -- OK Go

Divorce: Better That We Break -- Maroon 5

Crying: The Story -- Brandi Carlile

Eating: Drops of Jupiter -- Train

Sleeping: When Did Your Heart Go Missing -- Rooney

Making looooove:

Life's OK: Werewolves of London -- Warren Zevon

Mental Breakdown: Help is on its Way -- Mitch Grainger

Punch on: The Forest -- The Cure

Driving: 2-4-6-8 Motorway -- Tom Robinson Band

Flashback: Such Great Heights -- The Postal Service

Getting Back Together: Fill My Little World -- The Feeling

Birth of Child: Holy Grail -- Hunters and Collectors

Wedding: Call Me Irresponsible -- Michael Buble

Final Battle: Chop Suey! -- System of a Down

Death Scene: Starlight -- Muse

Funeral Song: Eleanor Rigby -- The Beatles

End Credits: Dakota -- The Stereophonics

The Story of My Life as told my my shuffle

2008-03-24T09:08:00.000+09:00

...IF MY LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE? (BTW this is supposed to be based on your ipod being on shuffle)

Opening Credits: Henrietta -- The Fratellis

Birth: A Day in The Life -- The Beatles

Waking Up: Boys of Summer -- The Ataris

First Day At School: 100 Years -- Five For Fighting

Falling In Love: The Game -- End of Fashion

Breaking up: Running -- Evermore

Prom: What You Need -- INXS

Happy Times: Hoodoo -- Muse

Divorce: Every Morning -- Sugar Ray

Crying: When I Get You Alone -- Thicke

Eating: Any Other World -- Mika

Sleeping: Wonderful Tonight -- Michael Buble

Making looooove: Walk Out to Winter -- Aztec Camera

Life's OK: You Know My Name -- Chris Cornell

Mental Breakdown: The River Is Wild -- The Killers

Punch on: Doginabag -- The Fratellis

Driving: One Crowded Hour -- Augie March

Flashback: Time to Dance -- Panic at the Disco

Getting Back Together: On My Mind -- Powderfinger

Birth of Child: Come On Eileen -- Dexy's Midnight Runners

Wedding: We Didn't Start The Fire -- Billy Joel

Final Battle: Run To Paradise -- The Choir Boys

Death Scene: Makes Me Wonder -- Maroon 5

Funeral Song: Everything -- Michael Buble

End Credits: Mustapha Dance -- The Clash

I think I'm in love

2008-03-09T21:53:00.000+09:00

YES! I think I've found a guy that's jsut PERFECT for me! Tim Freedman! He's the lead singer/ pianist from The Whitlams. I went to see them last night at the Mundaring Weir and...ahhhh. He is so totally cool, dude! Like he's weird but only in a crazed muso sense. And... and.. and! I dunno he's really cool and really talented and really cool. Did I already say that?

*sigh*

Irrational?

2008-03-06T16:21:00.000+09:00

I feel very scared. I don't know why. I have my spinal check up tomorrow morning and that's got me worried. I've never been worried about it. But I do feel it now. It's strange. I have no reason to be worried. But somehow I am. I think I'm worried I'm going to get some bad news. Maybe like if my bottom curve hasn't fixed itself that I may need to have surgery again to fix that. Now that would be scary. I'm so worried about it.

Ladies of Love

2008-03-05T21:28:00.000+09:00

What's with it today? And why does it seem so wrong?

One of my friends hooks up with a friend of a friend but she still likes someone else and it's really obvious.

Another one of my best friends hooks up with one of his long-time friends and two of my friends still like him.

And one of my distant best friends hooks up with a random French guy and still likes someone else.

And me? Well I'm nowhere. I dont like anyone and as far as I know, no one likes me back. I don't know if I'm ready for commitment at this stage. I've just strated year 11 and it's already becoming a blur. Everything is just going by so fast that I'm affraid that if I drop my guard for one second I'll loose it all. That I'll fail TEE and won't be able to achieve my high, high goals. Maybe I should just wait untill the end of year 12 when all the pressure is off. I could meet some nice, cute, intelligent med student at a library at UWA like my dreams and fall in love? Tragic aren't I?

"The weird one"

2008-03-01T22:10:00.000+09:00

"The weird one" came through my work tonight. It's really strange. He's really really nice to me, yet still extremly weird. The last time I saw him was when he declared to the whole class that me and my hair would someday rule the world. In that same hour he ALSO told the class that he couldn't concerntrate because of sexy people like me who sit in front of him.

What a dork.

Stating the Obvious

2008-02-29T22:01:00.000+09:00

Life is confusing.

Isn't it obvious?

How is it possible that you can crave a concept, yet when you feel a little part of the trueness to it, it feels totally wrong?

How?

Is that even possible?!

He's growing on me, you know

2008-02-21T14:56:00.000+09:00

Ahh.... sigh-alisious Robert Pattinson (Cedric Diggory) is playing an even hunkier Edward Cullen in the up coming film Twilight. Now, is you asked me a week ago, I would have said: "Oh gosh! He won't be able to play that role". But ask me now, and I think I would say: "Ahh... he'll be PERFECT!". Just look at this awsome picture of the Cullen family:

(From right in character name: Emmett, Rosalie, Esma, Edward, Carlise, Alice and Jasper)

Don't you LOVE vampires? More correctly, don't you LOVE Twilight?

You know how it goes...

2008-02-11T15:54:00.000+09:00

Well I got back last Saturday night (the 2nd of February). And I've instantly been plunged into a TONNE of homework. It's ridiculus. It's almost like I'm doing TEE or something... oh wait I am. Pffttt... I'm only a year 11 for pete sake! NOT YEAR 12!!! WHY AM I GETTING SOOO MUCH HOMEWORK!?!?!? Grrr... So I've had like NO free ME time!!! Please excuse me. Other than that minor problem of excess homework, life is cool. Work starts again on Saturday night. Darn. So wish I could quit. But I cant.

Anyhoo. I'm home YAY

TVTB,

Kattt

Ciao!

2007-12-01T16:29:00.000+09:00

So long farewell.

I depart for Italy tonight! Two months in Italy and I'm flying high. But I dont know if I should have gone. Too late now! I'm more scared this time and I'm really going to miss mum

cya laterz,

kattt

Oh Crap

2007-11-25T15:57:00.001+09:00

Darn it.

I've just gone over our monthly download limit. Crap. I'm in such big trouble when dad finds out.

Oh I know! I'll blame it on Thomas. Ahha! I'm a genius! jks.

Exams exshams

2007-11-23T16:15:00.000+09:00

They were SO easy peasy japanese I dont know what everyone was complaining about!

haha so much for study.

Life is good being 15. Well actually no different.

Go figure.

Only a week till italia '07/'08

excited huh?

The Penultimate Day

2007-11-18T19:11:00.000+09:00

Yay!

I turn 15 tomorrow.

I have BROWN hair.

Mum left at 2pm today to go to down south for WORK! on a SUNDAY! And shes not going to be home till about 3am tomorrow morning.

Sucks eh?

Kattt

Three Little Words

2007-11-10T13:53:00.000+09:00

Get Over Him

One lone fan...

2007-11-07T16:17:00.000+09:00

Yes well I at least know that I have one avid reader of this blog. But if you too read my innermost thoughts and feelings, give me a shout! I'd love to know who you are.

Well I went to double science today. Than came home. I really don't feel well today, nor did I yesterday. The whole family is pretty ill. Hope it's not too serious.

Well science was fun anyway. A good "shopping" session. Except I wasn't window shopping, I knew what I wanted to buy. Bit too expensive for me though, yet in reach. If only I could take the plunge and buy it before someone else does. *sigh*

Well... I'm going to return to bed aye,

xxx

Kattt

Blah

2007-11-04T21:08:00.000+09:00

Yeah, thats my mood. It's contagious I think. Mums all depressed because our recently bought washing machine is all stuffing up. crap.

Plus I'm like uber tired because I worked today and sundees are the worst day to work because its so busy.

And reality is starting to set in about Italy. I would never tell mum this, but I'm havng doubts. And yes, I'm a little scared. I'm the youngest going. I know no one. I'm going for 2 months. I'll have no contact to the english world. And forget about retail therapy- I'm staying in the mountains in Sadinia where she only goes shopping once a week. And her school is a 30 pullman ride away from home *sigh*

I'm such a loner :(

what a nerd!

2007-11-02T18:22:00.000+09:00

Ha ha not litterally............ just its fridee night. and I have a WHOLE TWO DAYS OF NO SCHOOL! GAH! Annoying. I dont miss school itself, rather the people there. Namely someone who im not going to mention here. Maybe my private diary I'll say the name a zillion times. But not here in fear of prying eyes! *sigh* Alas.

My story through my songs

2007-11-01T16:41:00.000+09:00

Be warned. This is one of many to come.

My ipods on shuffle. And I'll tell you about each of the songs I'm listening to:

Patience by Take That starts me off. I remember the first time I heard this song. I was at work. I was doing the final mopping of floors and this song came over the speakers. And I thought it really cool. Then everytime I was at work I would always hear this song. I really loved it. The feeling, emotion, everything. Reminds me of life a bit. Not mine, just life in general. Next we have 99 Luft Balloons. Nena for all you undereducated people. But this is actually the REAL version. Where she sings in german. It's so much sexier. Got a good beat too. *Skip* Ahh.... Such Great Heights by the Postal Service. I owe this song to brooke. She told me to listen to it. So I did. And loved it. Its so slick. So cool. Doesn't remind me of anyone though. But the lyrics are real deep. Like the ocean really. Thanks Jesse for this next song. Oh and Sam. You know, they BOTH told me to listen to this song on the exact same day. oh and this songs The Take over, the breaks over by F.O.B. I really love it now. Totally addicted. My song of the moment. The video clips pretty groovy too. I bought the whole F.O.B. album not just to look cool, but to get this song. Awsome track. Another song related to Jesse- Grace Kelly. I heard it first you know. On the way to Dubai in April. It's also related to Woolgar too, you know. The words dont go "purple in the sky" but rather "purple sky". This will be one of my all time favourite I think. Just way to groovy to miss. It's happy and bright like me :D Happy is good. It's just scary how high Mika can actually go. It's insane. Queens of the Stoneage now. I cant remember how I found this song. Might of been when I was looking for the Kula Shakers and it came up with this song for other related songs. Not too sure. Got a heavy beat this one. *Skip* Ahhh.... I was wondering when I would finally get a Fratellis song. Creepin' Up the Backstairs was just the begining of my obsession. Once again, a Perth - Dubai song I picked up. Except no-ones heard of these guys. I love them. Almost as much as the Beatles.

This is getting boring.

Laterz,

Kattt

Happy what!?

2007-10-31T17:52:00.000+09:00

First of all, Happy Birthday Barry. 15 at last. Oh whoops, not 15 but rather 16!

I had no idea...

Really. This morning was the first time I was told that Sir Barry is exacally a year and 20 days older than me. I'm freakin out here.

I don't really know why. Maybe just the shock of it all.

I just never knew.... was never told.... whatever it's all the same to meee!

Thr3e

2007-10-30T17:48:00.000+09:00

The protagonist is Kat, a fourteen-year-old high school student who one day receives a unique feeling while her mother is driving. The thought on the other end identifies himself as Mocha, and tells Kat that she has three minutes to confess her true feelings to the world or the car will explode. What follows is a cat and dog chase with Kat, her childhood friend Jessica, and FBI agent Stacey struggling to keep up with the clues Mocha sends their way; clues that lead to the most confusing events. Throughout all of this, Kat, Mocha, and Stacey find that they have more in common than any of them would have imagined.

Sounds like a thriller eh? Well I wrote the story Thr3e by ted Dekker

Oh and I'm Ted Dekker by the way. I currently live in the hills of Colorado, US with my wife Jennifer and two kids Dory and Michael. Oh and our dog Rufus. And I live in alternate universes. When I'm wake, I live in this realm. But when I sleep I get transported to another universe when I'm a man and am Ted Dekker. But noone believes me. Except for the FBI.

Nah... jokes. But thats what Hockers and Jason call me anyway lol. It original started sometime this year when Hockers "accused" me of being a Talking Dictionary. Then shortened to T.D. and Finally Ted Dekker became my name. Well at least I'm not a load of Verbal Diaoria (with Hocker is)!

Ah good old Ted Dekker.